Trusting

NEW BLOG

2011-12-07T17:14:00.005-05:00

www.kwaldner.blogspot.com

NEW BLOG

2011-12-07T17:14:00.002-05:00

www.kwaldner.blogspot.com

Closing a Chapter

2011-10-11T16:06:00.000-05:00

I have imagined writing this post for awhile now. Wondering what to say, what not to say. Wondering what people will comment and what they will think and not comment. I have learnt in the last few years that people will judge, they will say hurtful things and mostly because they don´t understand or because they have not heard the whole story. I do not expect everyone to understand nor think that my actions are correct but I do expect people to respect what has happen and trust in our God and that fact that He guides.

This will most likely be my last post from this blog. Looking back, I started it the day that Alex and I got engaged and now I am stopping it because of a divorce. I look back and see many happy moments. Moments that I would never trade. I see many sad moments, and those are moments that I wouldn´t trade either. God used each and every situation, every tear, every smile, to form the person that I am today. The person that can stand before you today and thank God for Alex, for bringing him to my life, for allowing me to love him, for allowing us to have 2 beautiful child, for allowing us to have a good relationship now where we can laugh, cry and care for our child eventhough we are apart.

The last 6 years of my life were not wasted, nor were they a mistake. I would still marry Alex again knowing everything I know. He made mistakes yes, made a bad decision yes, but now that is over, it is forgiven and now it is time to move on. How do I explain... I do not believe in divorce nor did I ask for it and I would not recommend it to anyone, but sometimes, some of us do not have a choice. So although the Bible teaches against divorce God is using it as an oportiunity for me to learn, to bless me and to help me understand that trusting HIM, no matter what, has great rewards. Not because of who I am, but because of God. Becauce He is a God of love.

I am dating someone. He is wonderful... I sat down and cried last week because I didn´t feel that I deserved to have someone like him in my life. I felt so overly thankful to God for what he has given me that nothing but tears were running down my face... and get this, the best part is that the tears were running down a smiling face.

I know many will say it is too fast, and to that I could answer that it has been 2 years and actually the 6 years of marriage we basically me alone soo... but I would rather answer that I didn´t plan it, God brought him into my life.

I´m sure many will have opinions and to them I say, thank you for being concerned and if it really weighs on your heart, pray! Your God is my God so He can let me know if something is not right.

People who love me are happy, people who know the whole story are happy. Alex, my ex-in-laws.... all happy!

So, here we are closing a chapter in my life, not cause I want to forget but because I want to give space to the new wonderful things that are gonna happen and to the new things that God is gonna teach me. Thank you to those who have prayed with me though these last years. I know that without pray I wouldn´t have gotten thought it all so gracefully. God is faithful!

Check back for a link to my new blog when it is up and running...

some news...

2011-06-25T21:12:00.003-05:00

it´s probably time that I update this... many things thave happened in last few months, I made it through my first year of University with excellent grades, Logan and I travelled to Colombia and... I am getting divorced. Gulp, yep I said it, and it is true. Not necesarily what I wanted in life but it´s what Alex decided so that is what it will be. I am ok. I sorta knew it was coming so I was partially prepared and I have peace knowing that nothing gets past God and that He has great things in store for Logan and I.

I have many things that i could say right about now but maybe it´s not the time yet. So, for now we will just leave it at that. We are having a blast with friends and family here in Colombia and are looking forward to what the next few months hold for us here :)

3 years old...

2011-01-19T17:22:00.000-05:00

On the 11th my little girl would have been 3 years old. I had planned on posting something but we were all sick so it didn´t get done but I did think of her most of the day.

There are some days that I don´t think about her anymore and there are days when I still burst into tears when thoughts come rushing in. I don´t miss her any less but I guess life goes on and it is just a normal process. This year was full of so much ¨Stuff¨ I was almost glad that a little girl didn´t have to go through it. I believe it would have been harder for a little girl to loose her dad and she would have been a whole year older then what Logan was.

The thing about my little girly that makes me smile is that she is happy. She never got her heart broken, she never experienced phisical pain, she never shed a tear she just went from being totally depenndent on me to being totally dependent on God, what an amazing gift... she is truly the luckly one.

I love you Leyla, you are my little girl and will always be. No one will ever take you place!

Ps. the picture above has never been posted and it is the only picture that we have of her. Her little white hand in Alex´s... I can only imagine her very beautiful, she was totally pale like me with black hair like Alex and it was curly like her Colombian Gramas... would have been an interesting combination!

It sometimes just aches...

2010-12-28T23:23:00.000-05:00

As much strength that God has given me doesn´t erase that fact that it sometimes just hurts. Today I just wish that we were how ever many days, months, years ahead and I could say that it is over and that I was blessed. Well, it´s not and today has been a little hard, I´m just tired I think. I ache for it all to be done.

All I know is that God is still faithful and that he loves me!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-26T23:00:00.001-05:00

We wish all of you a very wonderful Christmas and a new year filled with great surprises and blessings from God!

Facebook

2010-12-20T22:16:00.000-05:00

I´m torn... there are things about facebook that I love. I love being able to see pictures of those that I love in Colombia, I love being able to keep an eye on my sister in laws and check out thier crushes and then chat with them about it later, I love being able to upload videos for Alex to see, to write a quick message to the many people that I love that are a world away... but I hate that I can let something so great hurt me and end up in tears. Obviously it is NOT facebook´s fault but my own but because of facebook´s involvement and the obvious fact that I can´t unsubcribe to my life, facebook was the one to take a hike. Now, I am not saying that I will never be back but for now it´s gone and I am ok with that.
I read a blog post just a few minutes ago and it talked about something that I have been learning and relearning laitly. People do not have control over us, over our emotions... WE DO.... How come then do I let people make me cry, people make me feel less, people make me feel wrong when I am so right (not always but in this one particular case). I hate that I let things like that get to me so much that I have to erase facebook... something is wrong with that. I think that it all comes down to the idea that I am allowing Satan to feed me lies, I am allowing him to tell me that I am not good enough, that maybe those people are right, the ones that don´t know what they are talking about, I am allowing myself to listen to gossip about myself that I know as a fact is not true. BLAH!
So for now facebook is gone and although I miss it I feel free... hahaha

so, If you want to get ahold of me e-mail me @ herrera.ak at gmail.com or call me on the phone :) (just like in the old days)

He is 2

2010-12-18T22:45:00.001-05:00

Blowing out his candels... we only had to re-light them three times, it was just too much fun!

Logan and Molly

Logan and his Auntie Amanda

The Decorations for his big Thomas Bash

Well... my baby is 2. This year has been a long year that has somehow flown by. A year ago we were celebrating at my In-laws place. This year we are at my parent´s place and still celebrating. I had many intentions to invite many people to this party including a few kids but it turned into a close family and friends afair with only 2 children invited. Only one actually came because one of them fell asleep on the way so him and his daddy went home to sleep. That is what happens when you plan a party to start when the guests usually have to be in bed.

We had a great time and Logan loved the attention after his initial shock wore off. Molly got the thank you hugs for ALL of the gifts. I guess she was less scary then the rest of the guests. I attempted a Thomas theme this year as Logan LOVES everything Thomas. It turned out great and it was totally worth it seeing Logan´s eyes light up when he saw the cake. He walked around all afternoon before the party saying, cake, cake, cake. Too cute! Thank you to everyone who came, you have once again blown me out of the water by your generosity and love. I could not ask for any better people to be in our lives, we love you!

Logan,

You are 2 buddy! This year has been a rough one on you but you have proven yourself daily to be tough and strong even when you are faced with change after change. You are not my baby anymore but I think I am ok with that. You are growing and learning and making a place for yourself in this little world. Eventhough you are full of energy and temper tantrums you have shown your loving humble side to me laitly by being kind and just simply moving on when a different kid takes away your toy or even hits you. You have mended mommy´s heart a few times by simple crawling up onto my lap when you have seen me crying and hugging me until you are sure my tears are gone. I love that you notice when someone is hurting, God will use that in the future. You have shown me that God does exist everytime you talk to your daddy on skype or on the phone. You shouldn´t have a clue who he is, but by God´s grace you DO! You have been a brave boy by starting to go to daycare this fall and you have done wonderful. Our mornings many times are still filled with tears (on both our parts sometimes) but you have been brave and because you are brave you have grown to love a wonderul lady and made a few new friends... although the only one you care about is a little girl named Darcy ;). You have been very patient with mommy while she has been trying to go to university and you have been used by God to teach mommy when it is time to take it down a notch to focus on what is most important..YOU! Logan I love you and eventhough sometimes I just sit down and cry because it seems like you have been given the worst deal in life I know that you are going to be ok. God is looking out for you and me bud. He has brought us this far and he is gonna take us all the way. With you and God by my side I don´t really need anymore. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

One Semester down...

2010-12-16T10:47:00.001-05:00

...oh only many more to go.

Have you ever felt that you are not necesarily going against God by what you are doing but you are not sure if you are doing what He wants because He has not shown you. Well that is me... I don´t think it is bad that I am going to school but I havn´t felt that, KIMBERLEY YOU ARE SUPOSSED TO GO TO UNIVERSITY, from God BUT, he hasn´t shown me a different path either SO...

That's where I'm at. There are just so many things in my life that are unknown, that choosing a path, any path seems unrealistic. But, I guess until God shows me a different path I will stay on the one that I am on.

Having said all that... I'm done one semester and I feel like I have too much free time on my hands. I have spent the last few months spending every minute studying that now, when I have nothing to do once Logan is in bed, I feel oh so odd not studying. But I think I'll get over it :)

This Semester was hard, so hard in fact that I ended up dropping 2 classes. There were a few reasons to this. The most important being my Son. Logan was making it SOOO obvious to me that He was lacking my undivided attention and so I knew what I had to do. And when I got my midterm marks back and saw that they were ok, but not super great it didn't make dropping them too hard. This means one more entire year to finish the nursing program (if I will ever get in) and that scares me, because of said unknown future. But, my sweet 15 year old sister-in-law put it this way.... Fixing everything, paying off your student loans and so on, so you can be with Alex, for God is like sneezing... He can just do it if it's HIS will, so no worries. Oh I love her, she is way to wise for her age :)

So, I am relaxing, planning a small family birthday bash for Logan tomorrow and enjoying my time with my little man while my time can be all his.

Surrender

2010-12-13T10:22:00.000-05:00

I think that surrendering needs to be a daily occurance and if that is too hard (cause we all know that it is sometimes) we can do it hourly... God is always waiting patiently for us to give him the lead.

1 year and 1 day

2010-12-09T23:12:00.000-05:00

looking back I couldn´t even imagine getting to this day. It felt like each day was eternal.

Yesterday it was one year since Alex left.

I look back and I see mostly joy. even within the tears I have felt God´s love and have heard His soft words telling me to trust him, that it´s all gonna work out. Other days it felt more like He was yelling those words at me trying to get my attention but it still brought me back to the same place. Unbelievably enough that place happens to be one of thankfulness. It is hard to express and trust me there are many days that my body, mind and soul ache for my former life, but then things settle and I am reminded how far I have come. How far God has brought me and how much he has taught me. I feel like I am no longer a weak, scared little girl but that God has now made me a strong woman who knows what God is askin of her.

This year has brought with it many questions and one of them (mostly from others) has been, WAS IT A MISTAKE TO MARRY HIM? My answer has always been an instant NO and that I would do it again in a second even knowing that this would happen again. But, one day I actually took some time to think about this question and my answer, and honestly it didn´t change but it made me think of a few things. If it was a mistake I wouldn´t still feel an emptyness is my heart, I wouldn´t still tear up when I hear his voice. If my answer should be a yes, well then I would have surly moved on somewhat in a year and come to terms with what has happened. Well, I havn´t and I won´t because God has shown me time and time again that it wasn´t a mistake.

I love him and always will no matter what dumb things he does and no matter how long it takes. I get how some people don´t understand how I could just be ok with waiting and to that I say, well, I´m glad it´s not you in this situation. God has blessed me with patience and the ability to forgive easily. I´m not trying to boast but HE has given them to me. It is not because of me but only because of God!

So.. looking back and now forward, I´m sorta at the same place, waiting for my husband. My prayer is that I would do it joyfully, eachday remembering that nothing gets past God that we are living in his perfect plan, even if it seems like we´ve detoured!

So, thanks to all of you who have prayed with me this last year... keep on... HE is not done yet!

I really need to update this thing

2010-10-17T22:24:00.000-05:00

But, I don`t think it will be today. I have so much I want to say but So little time.
Pray for me, school is crazy and this whole balancing everything is tough. That`s all for now, hopefully this week won`t be as crazy and I could maybe get a blog post in, well one that is actually interesting that is.

Happy Anniversary !?!

2010-07-30T09:53:00.001-05:00

Today is my anniversary and instead of dwelling on the obvious I have decided to be thankful. It has been a rough road and I am thankful that it is not over. I am thankful that I am where I am right now because without the choices that Alex made I wouldn´t know God the way I do. Being without my husband has made me put God back up into His spot in my life, where he should have always been anyways, and being without Alex has made me realize just how much I do love him. I don´t need Alex anymore but I want him to be part of my life. It´s been a interesting few months but I am thankful that I can still talk to Alex, that he still wants to be part of Logan´s life and mostly that God isn´t done yet. My plans for my future may not look exactally the way God´s plans for me look and that is scary... but I know that what is to come will be awesome because God´s plan is perfect. So, instead of sitting back and saying poor girl rather take the time to thank God for what He is doing and for what He has already done! Soooo... happy anniversary to me :)

Alex I love you more today then I did 5 years ago. You are still the man of my dreams.

It´s Official...

2010-07-17T15:07:00.000-05:00

So some of you may not know but I am going back to school. After 10 years of not being in school I am getting ready to start that whole phase in my life over again. Scared... oh ya! Not about going just about time management. I am getting ready to start my first year of general studies which will dictate whether I get accepted into nursing or not. Ahhh, how to balance everything. It´s is frustrating because yes it is something that I have always wanted to do, just not like this. I didn´t imagine having to sacrifice my time with my son to go to school. From being a mom who didn´t believe in daycare (personal decision, I don´t think bad of mom´s who do this) because God gave me this little guy to take care of to putting him in daycare 50% of the day. It makes me sad but I am confident that even though for God this isn´t the ideal situation he will back us up because he knows where my heart is at and the reasons why I am doing this.

God has opened up doors and student loans have been granted along with a nice little subsidy for being poor :) Daycare probably won´t be subsidized because there is no room for Logan in a government daycare but as of yesterday he does have a spot in a daycare and she seems like a wonderful woman. I have registered for classes and only had to reorganized the schedule 4 times, oh the stress.

I know that God will work thinks out and he will give me the strength to balance everything. So... 4 years of school here I come, please be nice to me!!!

Logan

2010-07-16T13:19:00.000-05:00

I feel like my little Logan has been oh so neglected on this blog laitly. Well my whole blog has been a little neglected :)

Logan´s 18th month has come and gone and I can´t believe how he is growing up almost daily. He is learning to talk and it seems slow but I think he is doing great considering he is learning 2 languages. Actually he talks quite a bit but it seems less just because I have divided the words into languages which makes it seem like less.

Logan never ever stops! I´m tired :) I want to write just kidding after that but I´m not. Logan is a busy guy that loves to push, pull, throw, kick, run, fall, slide, swing, jump, and pretty much anything else active. He has been sick for the last week and has spent most of the week laying on the couch and it has made me realize just how active he is. He loves everything and anything with buttons and nobs and lights and loves to be able to make things move.

He loves to talk to Daddy and Grandpa and Grama on the phone and will often bring me the phone and or point to the computer and say... Dada? So I usually cave and we call, thank goodness for skype or else we would be even more broke.

Logan loves water and could live in it if I would let him. He loves watering, splashing, swimming, jumping and sitting in puddles, bathing, and washing. The other day mom had him busy for a good 15 minutes washing a rubbermaid container outside. He doesn´t fear water and would have no problem just jumping into the pool. Scary yes, but we just have to be extra focused when we are at the pool.

Logan is my little bud. I love him and thank God for making him exactally the way he is, temper tantrums and all. I´m sure I could write more but I hear him up from his nap so it will have to wait.

I get it...

2010-06-23T22:45:00.001-05:00

It has now been over a month since I have written here and I think it basically comes down to the fact that God has been teaching me so much that I have no clue where to start, what to share, whether to share at all and so on.

Now I can say that I have a pretty good idea of who God is and what that means in my life but this last week was life changing. I have gotten to the point where I can honestly say that I am thankful for where God has me right now and that I can praise Him for what He is doing. I think I would do this all again if it would mean me knowing God the way I do today, scary thing to say, but I´m pretty sure I mean it.

I will admit that I had been seeing a counselor, mostly because the Mission was paying for it and yesterday I left him without words... Ok so before you think I am tooting my own horn, it´s not about that, but it is about me getting it. I shared with him some crappy stuff and then I shared what God was showing me and that I could honestly praise the Lord for the trial that he had me in. He had nothing to say and basically told me that I was fine, and that I really never needed counselling.

I am relaxed and waiting for God to work. It´s gonna be great, I know it and I can hardly wait to see what God is gonna teach me next... stay tuned, I will write more.

To end here is a picture of my baby just after he went rolling down the stairs head first.

I am soooo blessed

2010-05-10T19:56:00.001-05:00

So yesterday morning was spend mostly in tears. Now they were not sad tears (at least I don't think they were) but they were tears of pure awe at how much God has blessed me. I have this amazing little boy that God chose especially for me! He knew that right now I wouldn't be with Alex and he hand crafted this little being for me to take care of, for me to love. How special is that! God knew exactally what I would need right now and he gave that to me without me asking. God is great!

After church we had lunch and spent the day on the deck. Logan and Grama decided to quickly do a craft and they made me a wonderful card that went perfect with my plant and my other little gifts. Mother's day for me meant so much more this year then last because it mas made clear to me that it wasn't about what a great mom I am but rather about the Blessing God has given me to be a MOM!

He smells sooooo good!

2010-05-04T15:32:00.000-05:00

Logan shares my bed sometimes, which means that he sorta just gets out of bed in the morning and starts reorganizing my bedroom. Today he got into one of the drawers with odd things in it and pulled out a cologne of Alex's that he had left here last fall. well, some how he managed to get it on him and he has been smelling sooooo good all day. I some times just pick him up to sniff him.... Ahhhh well at least I can have the miniature version of Alex here with me to smell :)

Check it out!

2010-05-04T15:22:00.000-05:00

it's still a work in progress but it is up and running...

Check it out by clicking the link below or the chubby lady on the side bar :)

www.kimberleysjourney.blogspot.com

This is a weight loss post...

2010-05-02T09:32:00.000-05:00

... if you don't like it, too bad, this is my blog :) Well actually if you don't like it just don't read it!

So there is no way of hiding it, I am overweight and I am tired of it. So, tired in fact that I have already lost 10 pounds. Yes this seems great but it hasn't been easy and it is a constant struggle, everyday. I feel that if I just stay home then everything is ok and that I have the control but when I leave the house or even when my parents are home during the weekend things get crazy and I have trouble staying in control of me!

I am planning on starting a weight loss blog so that all of you people who don't care won't have to read it. Well honestly if no one reads it, that's ok too, it will just be a place that I will write to keep myself accountable and so that maybe someone else, somewhere can be feel like they are not alone.

It's not about having the perfect body but it's about being comfortable, being healthy and being able to take my little water baby to the pool without crying :)

nothing better...

2010-04-30T13:32:00.000-05:00

Because your love is better than life,

my lips will praise you!

Psalm 63:3

My Copycat :(

2010-04-30T13:24:00.000-05:00

Over the past few months I have been good with the occasional bad day... well last week I had one of those bad days and was just frustrated at everything. There came a point in the morning where I just sat down on the couch and started crying. Well... here's the killer, Logan was watching me and laid face down on his little couch and started sobbing. He was almost unconsolable. That is when it hit me, I have to be ok for him. HE UNDERSTANDS. Now, trust me I have learnt this lesson a long time ago and honestly I am doing great, but like everyone that breaths I had a bad day and let everything get to me. But seeing my little guy broken because I was crying was way to much. I picked him up and said, NO, we are going to be happy now, no more tears. I wiped his little tears away and took his little hands and wiped my tears away and told him that God loves us and that is more than enough reason to NOT cry. We sang a few songs together and it was amazing how instantly he was happy again.

Just a reminder that who we are, how we are. what we say, how we react IS going to mold these little ones, WOW that is a big job.

My heart is breaking...

2010-04-23T12:32:00.000-05:00

At momentes like this I wish I was in Colombia, that I could just jump on a bus and run over to her house and give her a hug and cry with her.

I am honestly sitting here in front of my computer sobbing, reading her messages as we chat through facebook. Friendships were not meant to be this way, it just feels wrong.

Her and her husband are going through some CRAP. Sorry for the word but I couldn't think of any other that wasn't worse. Basically, without going into details because who knows who will read this, they are very close to separting because of her husband and she is trying to follow what God says and love him and be patient and forgive, but he just keeps taking the pieces of her little, already broken, heart and stompping on them. It's like he has no heart but yet expects her to be a good wife. There is so many lies and betrayal and not just from him but his whole family, who happen to be leaders in my church. I just can't understand and the worst is that she is this close to them taking away her son because of all the lies.

God is faithful, she speaks those words daily but I know her heart hurts and that she wants to give up and it hurts me to not be able to be there for her, to fight this with her and to remind her that God is real.

Please say a prayer for her right now, she is sick and throwing up, probably from stress, and is contemplating going to the ER.

Love you Milena, remember that you are STRONG becuase God is strong in You!!!

Apparently I thought the US was Canada...

2010-04-22T21:47:00.003-05:00

So not really but I have come to the conclusion that I was totally NOT prepared to go to the states with my sister to pick up a package.

The morning started out normal and we made our way to Niche with Passports in hand and pretty uneventfully crossed the US border. We picked up the packages and they informed us that because we were picking up someone elses packages also we would have to go through Emerson. Ok, no big deal, it's not that far away. We start driving and my sister gets all nervous, like it's a foreign land and like she has no idea what she is doing. Little did we know...

We get to the border and they ask us some standard questions and all seems good until they look at me. Is he your son... YES! Do you have a letter of permission from his father to cross the border... NO! Where is his father... COLOMBIA! She then closes the window and chats with another lady. Window opens... Do you have sol custody of the child...NO! Why is your husband in Colombia... HE LIVES THERE! Why are you here... I LIVE HERE! Why... UMMMMMMM, WE'RE SEPARATED! Immediately the little window closes again and she get another lady who asks me a few of the same questions and then says that I really should have a letter. I say, OK, SORRY!

They let us go to the other side where they were gonna check out the packages we had. Out walk 2 HUGE guys and ask us to get out of the car and go stand in front. Pretty normal I figure, they ask about the packages and check the car and then they look at me again... OH NO! So they ask the same questions and add a special bonus... Who's car is this... OUR PARENTS CAR! They look at my sister and asked, How old are you... 30! and you live with your parents... NO! I then let them know that it's me that lives with them and they get a little smirk and ask, and how old are you... 28! (Ok so ya I know I'm a looser, but really what is it to you).  So we are doing great, stolen car, stolen baby... They then want to see a birth certificate for Logan and of course I wouldn't carry it because really, it's in Spanish and both his passport and citizenship card don't say that I am his mother... AHHHHHHHH!   so I get this bright idea and ask the guy... Would it help to call my husband? YA

So we go inside and I give them the number and ask him to speak slowly because he doesn't always catch everything and then I pray. You see Alex has NOT been answering his phone all the time since he left and oh I was sooo nervous that this was gonna be one of those times that he didn't want to talk to anyone. Ok so we are standing there my heart is in my throat and the tears are right there, waiting to reveal themselves and I here... ALEX.    My heart sang a little song and then I heard, I AM FROM BORDER CROSSING. As if Alex is gonna know what border crossing means, whatever. All we hear is, DO YOU HAVE A SON... DO YOU KNOW THAT HE IS IN CANADA... ARE YOU OK WITH THE FACT THAT HE IS IN CANADA... OK THANK YOU.

Deep breath! Ladies you are free to go.   Ok so apparently I was in no hurry to leave because I begin to ask them what I need to cross and all that info so it wouldn't happen again.

Basically they were just scared that I had taken Logan away from Alex without his consent because we were separated.

So looking back it was no big deal but at the moment I was imagining Alex not answering, them taking Logan away and so on...

Our conclusion was this... You can apparently kidnap a child and take him out of Canada, but they won't let you bring him back in to return him.... huh, interesting!

It's all over now and looking back, well of course I would need a letter, I always need a letter when I travel with him, why would this be any different. Apparently the US just isn't quite foreign enough for me :)

Last Mission Prayer Letter - Shouts of Praise

2010-04-19T14:32:00.000-05:00

“Because your love is better than life, my lips will praise you,”

Psalm 63:3

Over the years this prayer letter has been called “Shouts of Praise”, and even with all of the struggles that we are facing today I can still say that it stands true. God allows us to be in tough situations to draw us back to Him and teach us about Himself, so… no situation is bad because God is good. Hopefully as you read this letter you will see not the bad that is happening but be able to praise God for what He is doing and what He is going to do. Thank you all for your prayers these last few months, I know that they have helped! God is faithful and I can feel His love daily and that is a reason to smile.

Logan and I have now been in Canada for over 2 months and although many things in our lives have changed the part with Alex hasn’t. He still feels the same way he did back in December and I have a feeling that it is going to be this way for a long time. Things have been going well, only a few weeks after I got back God blessed me with the perfect job. It isn’t many hours and I can still be home with Logan all day and it is basically right next door. I am working at the Hospital and Lodge in Morris in the Kitchen right now and I am also looking into taking some sort of schooling in the fall. Logan is growing like a weed and enjoys every second that he gets to spend with his Grandma and Grandpa and they are just as happy to spend the time with him. He is a real joy and makes us laugh and smile every day. His affectionate side is finally coming out and he is constantly giving us hugs and kisses and this mommy loves it! He doesn’t sit down much and is usually on the go but really is a gift from God and I couldn’t be more blessed.

This will be my last letter as an Action International Missionary but I hope you all know that you are very dear to my heart. You have stood beside us though it all and prayed and praised God with us and for that I will be forever grateful. There is no way to put into words how you have all blessed us though the years but I hope you know that God used you to teach others of Him and that is what is most important. So thank you! All support that is automatically withdrawn by ACTION will be stopped by June 30, if there is any problem please contact us!

I am leaving the foreign mission field but there are others who are still carrying on all over the world and my in-laws are some of these. There is an attached letter for you to read as well as a prayer card for them. Please pray about what you are going to read and if God leads you to pray for them or even support them that is great.

I will end this letter with some prayer and praise requests but I hope this doesn’t mean that you will stop praying for us, because our journey isn’t over. Thank you once again for you love!

*Praise the Lord that we arrived safely and are settling in well in Canada. Logan flew perfect, sleeping the entire way and then he adjusted very well to everything new here in the last few months.

*Pray for Alex. Pray that God would heal Alex’s hurts in HIS perfect time.

*Pray for me as I make decisions about our future and try to attempt to make a life for myself and for my Son. Praise the Lord that He is in front of me, leading the way!

*Pray for the work in Colombia that is still left to do. Pray that we would not have been a hindrance in any way and that the Glory of God would shine through!

In HIM, Kimberley and Logan Herrera

I would like you to meet my In-laws, Luis Hernando and Clara Ascencio. They are currently in Pastoral leadership in Bogota Colombia but recently were accepted by ACTION as missionaries to the United States. I know this seems odd but they have seen firsthand a need for discipleship and pastoral development with the Latinos in Florida. Hernando spent 5 months in Florida in 2008 checking things out and building relationship in the area. There is a great need and work that is waiting for them already. They will be moving along with their 2 daughters Jessica (17) and Mafe (14) who are also excited for this new adventure and to see what God will do in their lives though this as well as in the lives of others.

Their work in Bogota has not only been leading a church but also in great part discipleship. Hernando has classes nearly every day and dedicates most of his time to studying with people and sharing his life with them on a personal level. For them both, discipleship is a way of life and they have invested their lives in walking alongside non-believers and new Christians as they begin their walk with the Lord.

They teach in a very relaxed setting asking people questions to see where they are at and then getting right into the Bible to answer those same questions. It is a chronological study that focuses on who God is and how that affects us. It would be easy for them to teach a lesson and then go home but this question method has proven to be more personal and the people get excited to find the answers themselves in the Bible. God has blessed many though what they are doing and we know that there are many waiting in the United States to hear of God as well.

They are currently at 50% of their needed support and are looking for PRAYER and Financial supporters. Please pray about it and if you are interesting in praying for them or supporting them financially whether it be monthly or a one-time gift, big or small, please fill out the enclosed response card and send it in to ACTION.

God is faithful and we know that HE will do big things through them in the United States!

In Him,

Kimberley and Logan

for our Colombian family!

*Pray for their family as they prepare to leave Colombia for the United States. For many of us it would seem like a small change but for them it will be huge as the majority of them have never been out of Colombia.

*Pray that God would lift up a group of people to pray for them and to support them monthly so that they can begin ministry in Florida.

*Praise the Lord that He has already supplied 50% of their monthly need!

NOTE - If any one feels the Lord leading them to give to the Ascencios please contact me for more info or look them up on http://www.actionintl.org/ under Luis Ascencio for an online donation.

It's our job as parents...

2010-04-03T13:46:00.001-05:00

... to teach them what easter is all about. It's a big responsability and honor! Here's to an Easter full of sharing God's love for us by sending his son and Jesus' love for us and for his Father by dying.

It makes me want to cry...

2010-04-01T11:23:00.003-05:00

Now these are NOT Logan's teeth but they are well on there way to looking like that if they don't already look worse (it's hard to tell, he doesn't like people looking in his mouth). It makes me want to just sit down as cry cause really there is not much I can be doing to stop this. He went to a Dentist before we came back from Colombia and he said that so far there was nothing to worry about and that I should just keep brushing and everything should be ok. Well, since we got here things have taken a turn for the worst and I am really worried about Logan's teeth. He has a Dentist appointment in a week and hopefully they can do something or at least ease my mind a bit but I honestly worry that in 6 months my baby is gonna have tooth damage beyond repair. He is no longer getting bottles at night, he only gets juice right before brushing, he really doesn't eat all that much sweets but it seems like no matter what it seems to be getting worse. I am beginning to realize that food and juices here in Canada really are worse for you then in Colombia where everything is natural. Poor guy, and to top it all off he hates brushing his teeth...

* Ok so I got a good look at his teeth this morning (Friday) and they are NOT this bad which is a relief but they are still not great. But I am happy that it may still not be too late.

it's time to get organized

2010-03-31T15:16:00.004-05:00

Today was a tough day, well just a tough morning. I need to make some decisions and some of them would not have been necesary if Alex wouldn't have... well you know. I was mad and I took it out on Logan. I hate that! I got down on my knees crying and told him to come to me and I gave him a cuddle and said that I was sorry. Whether he understood or not is not that important, but when he hugged me he understood that he was safe and that no matter what was going on he had me.

I have been feeling like a bad mom for the last few days. I have not been spending as much time playing with Logan as I would like, we havn't had much of a routine and then something like this morning happens and it makes it all feel worse. So, today after our rough morning we started over and made a plan. We have a plan for our days and part of that plan is Mommy and Logan playing time! So today we spent some of our playing time outside!

Logan has been loving being outside, playing in the puddles, getting wet and going to the park. He loves the swing and the slide and is so excited when he can go down head first!
Here are some pictures of my little guy playing outside the other day. I think they turned out pretty good and I know that they made a special far away Grama cry when she saw them.

LOGAN

2010-03-24T13:01:00.003-05:00

Logan and I spend many hours on the phone and on the computer talking to family back in Colombia. It's a norm for us and I guess always has been considering when we were in Colombia we did the same, just differnt family on the other end. I am so thankfulf or phones and for Internet and that at least Logan can hear and sometimes even see his Daddy and Grandparents etc. It makes me sad though that Logan sometimes walks around with the phone asking Dada? and then kisses the phone. I'm hopping that he knows that that is where we call Dad and not that the phone is Dad.
Eventhough Logan hates clothes and the cold he has been doing great here. Actually it doesn't even seem to bother him that it is cold outside, he just wants to be outside period. He doesn't like being dressed like this but now has realized that it means we are going outside so he is happy to put all the clothes on him that we want.

Logan being a goof...

Logan has always loved power tools and has always been around them since we were literally building a house around him when he was born. He never once woke up from a nap when the saw would turn on, even if he was just a few feet away. Here he is learning how to child safe corner cubbords with Grandpa.

And... here is my little guy sitting down for a second. They say that he is sitting exactally like his Colombian Grandpa and I agree. They are both totally laid back without a care in the world (we'll Grandpa was laid back until I took his Grandbaby away:) )

Update

2010-03-24T12:54:00.002-05:00

Well... it's been going great! Logan has completly surprised me and I am trilled. Day 2 he went down well and woke up at 1:30a.m. and cried a bit but fell asleep after awhile. Days 3 he woke up at 12:00 just to sleep with me and Day 4 he woke up at 8:00 in the morning. I was a little confused as to why it was light outside already (because I figured it was just time to sleep with me) but I was plesently surprised to see that the clock had an 8 on it.

So... for now I am happy but I realize that we might not be totally through the rough nights but we are definitly going to enoy the progress!

Bye Bye Bottles

2010-03-22T12:10:00.004-05:00

So, last night was the first night that Logan has slept without a bottle and... he did great. You see, I am not against Logan having bottle in bed but first of all his teeth are not getting any healthier by doing this and I'm starting to be able to tell and he recently learnt how to push the nipple part into the bottle resulting in milk everywhere.

Now, I wanted to wean him already a long time ago but you gotta survive right and with all that was going on and with living in my in-laws house I just wasn't up for a baby streaming for hours and I knew that for now the bottle was Logan's comfort, something normal in all the caos. Since, well forever Logan has woken up many times during the night but usually we could get him back to sleep instantly with a new bottle. Easy enough, so we went with it.

Last night Logan did awesome. I put him to bed about 2 hours late and after a few cuddles, reassuring words and a prayer (mostly for mommy :) ), he feel asleep without hardly making any sound. He them woke up twice for a few seconds and fell back asleep and then at 1:30 like usually he woke up so he could sleep with me (bad habit we made when we were at my in-laws, but really what do I care, I'm sleeping alone anyway). He was a little unsure as to what was going on so he laid on top of me until he fell asleep then a few minutes later rolled over and fell asleep. I did however had a sippy cup in bed with us because Logan has always been a thirsty guy and it is so dry in the house that he craves liquid and twice after that he woke up and took 2 sips and that was it.

Every time he woke up I would wisper in his ear, "You are doing so good Logan, Mommy is so proud of you,", and actually there came a time when I felt bad because his stomach was growling so loud that I was sure he was gonna wake up hungry. He woke up for the morning a little early today 6:30 and wasn't happy till we make our way to the kitchen to get a cheese slice.

So now we have had one night and one nap and we are going good so far... we'll see what tonight brings.

Love you Logan,

you are doing great with all the crazy changes

Just the 2 of us...

2010-02-24T10:25:00.005-05:00

So, after much thought I guess I am finally gonna do this. I had my reasons and I still have very valid reasons for not wanting to do this but I guess time has come.

Logan and I are in Canada... Alex is in Colombia, and for NOW it is permanent.

The reason I didn't want to write about this is because there are some people who havn't known up until right now and I honestly don't want to hear what they have to say. Some people should just stay quiet and PRAY because I know that what they have to say (from past experience) won't be a blessing or an encouragment. If you want to comment go ahead but please think it through before you do, sometimes we say hurtful things without realizing and honestly right now I don't want it or need. (Of course I am not talking about any of my blogger friends... just so you know :) )

We have been living "on our own" for almost 3 months now and in many ways it has been the hardest, scariest most tiring expience that I have ever had, yet it has also been a time of great joy, love, learning and acceptance.

Alex had a rough childhood and there are things from his past that he has never delt with and now it has all just become a way to real part of his life and this inturn has made him make some decisions, like leaving.

This is not what I want, but I understand

I hurt for him and know that he is not ok, that he cries almost daily because Logan isn't with him, that there are days when he has nothing to eat, that he feels alone... and these things make me want to jump up and save him. But I know that my days of constantly picking up the pieces have come to an end and should have never been. I made that mistake and now we realize that I cannot fix this. God is the only one that can pick up Alex's pieces, melt them with fire and form them again into something beautiful. My fixes were just with crazy glue and they only held for awhile. I love him and pray that one day he will come back to us and want to be part of our family but until the this is where we are at. Alex right now is in the fire, hurting, scared and broken, but I know that God is faithful and he will finish what he started. I know that God respects our decisions and that he cannot force Alex to ever return and I think deep down I know that it may never happen but no matter what God is faithful and he promises that we will be ok, better then ok, GREAT.

Starting over has been hard and now I have a new appreciation for single mom's and all that they go through working, raising there kids and just living. BUT I can honestly say at this moment that I have learnt so much these past months that I don't want to ever go back to being the person that I was. LOVE is real and I can feel it and now know what it means, PATIENCE is from God and it is refreshing, TEARS are meant to be shed because they bring a new start to the hour or to the day, JOY is something that is from God that is continuous, it doesn't end, happyness ends, FAITH is what keeps us going knowing that God knows and understands, being LONLEY is meant to bring us back to God and depend only on him, God's STRENGTH is perfect and I know what it feels like to be strong for the first time in my life, FORGIVNESS is letting go and forgiving even before the other person asks. These and many others things have been what has held me together for these last few months. I am sure most people do not believe me when I say that I am ok, happy, because they cannot understand how. But let me tell you that it is true, I am happy, I am joyful, I can smile in the morning knowing that today is going to be good. I know who God is and I trust that what I have understood about HIM and his love is perfect and true.

Alex and I talk almost everyday and up until now I was the only person that he communicated with. I have no anger towords him, yes, there are things that hurt, but I love him and part of that love is forgiveness and patience. He know that I want us to be part of his life and that one day I hope for this but he also knows I won't pressure him to do anything. This decision is his and he can take all the time he needs and we will be here waiting.

Pray for us, pray for Alex

.

2010-01-18T11:47:00.004-05:00

Hi, well I figured it was about time. There are still some people that don´t know what is happening so I will be vague but if you DO know you will understand, if you don´t one day I will fill everyone in.

Things have been good because God is good no matter what is happening. The last 2 months have been filled with many tears, uncertintly, pain, anger, love, patience, understanding and more love. Without my faith in God and the love that he has given me and taught me how to use I wouldn´t have gotten through even one day. I can say today that I am not angry (yes I have my moments when Logan just isn´t ok because of it all) and that I understand and my love is still as whole as it was the first day! Am I scared? Well, there is part of me that is nervous for the future and the uncertintly that is holds. I realize that what I am hoping for and praying for may never come and that is scary but I know that God is still GOOD and that we will be ok no matter what. BUT I still have hope and know that God is able to change hearts and heal them and that makes most of the fears go away.

Right now Canada awaits us in under 3 weeks and that makes me nervous and calm all that the same time. I am sad to leave because it means in some way that I have to accept what has happened and it feels so final (eventhough it isn´t) but I am happy to be able to move on a bit and get my little guy back into some kind of routine so that he can have a bit more of a normal life. It is gonna be hard I know and I know that once we get there I am gonna go through a bunch of stuff emotionally once more but in the end it will be good.

Thank you all for your prayers, please keep praying. Pray that God would be close to everyone and that God would change what needs to be chnaged and heal what needs to be healed.

2 years ago today...

2010-01-11T14:57:00.003-05:00

...our little girl was born.

Leyla I love you
I miss you
I know that you are ok
God is still good
You will always be on my mind

Happy Birthday Logan!

2009-12-18T09:47:00.005-05:00

Logan´s first birthday came and went and sadly I wasn´t up for posting too much. We spent Logan´s first birthday at my in-laws apartment in Bogota. It was a fun day just not at all what I expected or planned. Our morning started out taking some pictures for the Grandparents in Canada. Here is Logan with the car that his Grama and Grandpa gave him for his birthday.

And then we had pictures with mommy! Some kisses and smiles!

We had a wonderful surprise from a friend of mine and his little brother who happens to be Logan´s bestest friend (well only friend here). They came all the way from the farm to spend the day with us. When the little boy came through the door Logan gave him a BIG LONG hug, he missed him very much.

They brought with them a very special gift from Daddy, a little guitar. Unfortunitly Daddy couldn´t be there to spend the day with us but he sent lots of hugs and kisses!

In the evening we went to a mall where they had a huge blocked off area filled with balls. Another family with 2 kids met us there and the kids (and the adults too) had fun planning in the balls.

Here is Logan with his Colombian Grandpa. Logan Loves him and Grandpa loves Logan very much. When Grandpa is around they are always together.

Here I am with my sister-in-law Mafe in the balls!

This is Juancho and Pipe. They are friends from the farm. It was very special to have them with us for Logan´s birthday!

After the balls we went back to the apartment for cake. Logan was intrigued with the fire and ate his cake very decently.

Logan, thank you for being who you are. God hand picked you for us and you are exactally what our family needed. You are a very independent, strong willed, loving boy that amazes us daily. I know this year is going to be different and in many ways tough but no need to worry you will always be taken care of and loved. Mommy and Daddy love you soooo much and are proud to have you in our lives. Thank you for making me smile, laugh and just be happy no matter what. I love you!

Psalm 13...

2009-12-06T10:13:00.009-05:00

I LOVE how in Psalms the person can be absolutly heartbroken, torn into piece because of his circumstances but in the end he ALWAYS praises the Lord for who He is. God will never leave us no matter what, that is an amazing promise!

11 months have come and gone

2009-12-05T13:18:00.005-05:00

13 days till Logan is 1.

I cannot beleive it!

Logan seems now like a big boy. He is walking and sometimes running, he can stand up in the middle of the room and he says tons of words. There is a wedding picture of ours hanging in our room and I was teaching him who was in it and I would say... Mom and Dad. Well now Logan looks at the picture and says... andad. He loves His Daddy that is great, I am glad.

This last week has been a little rough for us so we have been trying to be more focus on God so part of that mean reading the Bible with Logan. We have been reading Psalms and when we get to a part where it talks about God turning our sorrows to rejoicing (or something similar) he gets a huge smile and squeals. It fills my heart with joy, as if he knew what we were reading. Who knows, God speaks to our spirits and Logan has a spirit so he might understand more then I think. :)

Well, thats all for now. Stay tuned for Birthday fun in the next little while. His party will probably not be on the 18th because it is just getting a little too busy for us then.

It´s not always a tropical vacation

2009-11-27T11:29:00.001-05:00

Well, I am debating whether or not to delete this post or not. I unfortunitly hurt someone close to me by writing this but on the other hand I know that someone else was encourage by it. It hurts me that I am being judged for being honest. Maybe the statement I made saying that most people were fake was a little harsh but I didn´t mean for it to sound that way. I suppose I meant to write that we are ALL, including myself, not totally transparent. We all worry about being judged and people taking things wrong and that is why many times we don´t open our mouths. The Bible talks about being transparent and I just think that no one is totally transparent the way God meant us to be. It is hard, and I am not transparent even half of the time so I am not making statements to point fingers. All I meant to say was that if someone would have come to us before we got married and told us, ¨marriage is hard, you will want to leave someday, although it is wonderful it will be nothing like you imagined and you will be dissapointed many days,¨ we possibly would have been more prepared for the reality of things.
I am sad that we didn´t have anyone in our life to tell us that but in no way am I saying that these people replace God. HE is the only one that has helped me go through these last 4 years. He is the one that physically made Alex turn around and not leave. We don´t need people, but there has to be a reason that God tells us to be transparent. I believe that one of those reasons is to help others. If you choose to be or not to be transparent is your own choice I am not judging I was only stating what I felt to be true. Forgive me if I am wrong and if I offened you.

I will leave this like this for now, while I think things through I little more. But honestly I didn´t mean to hurt anyone. Tears are running down my face and my heart is aching for upsetting someone by something I though would help. Maybe being transparent isn´t all it cut out to be.

These 2 are the loves of my lives and we are happy (most of the time), but it hasn´t always been smiles and giggles. The last few weeks I have come to realize that the majority of the people I know are fake (not totally transparent). Please don´t get me wrong I love you all but there are not too many people in the world that are completly honest (including myself) and I think that is lacking in all of our lives. Maybe it's because people in general are judgemental and not understanding but either way we are not honest. Alex and I could have maybe would have had a more "happy" start to things if more people would have been honest wih us.

For us marriage was anything but happy, there have been more bad days then good and more days that inside of me I wished I was the kind of person that could just run away, leave it all in the past. We have both hurt eachother beyond repair and shortly into our marriage we both lost the respect that we promised to have until death do us part.

Alex and I are different. I am Canadian, he is Colombia, I am woman and he is man. He is spontanious and I like to plan, Alex has 2 families and I have just one. Alex doesn't like to spend too much time at home and I love being home. Well, there are many more thing but my point is that we are different and yes, we balance eachother out sometimes but mostly we just drive eachother crazy. There are some problems that we have that go a little deeper then what I will share here but Alex comes from a broken home that had abuse and to top it off he lived on the streets for a few years so these things on top of it all are sometimes too much for one little marriage to handle. In no way am I saying that Alex is only to blame because that would be a lie but these things are "important" parts of our lives and things are are unique to us.

We in no way have figured it out but we are getting there slowly. Alex has learnt many things along the way but because I am not him nor is he writing this I will stick to things that I have learnt.

*I have learnt to keep my mouth shut (well most of the time). Sometimes letting things go is the only thing you can do. Does it still hurt me, well yes, but God takes care of that. If I beg and plea for an "I'm sorry" it's not gonna be real anyway.

*I have learnt to be submissive, let my husband take the lead. This is particuallarly hard for me and probably for most. There have been times when I have sobbed on the couch with my whole body and mind screaming NO but the words that come out of my mouth are "If you think that is what's best". It is hard and in no way do I do this everytime but I try to and I think that is what Alex see's, me letting him fullfill his roll.

*I have learnt that I need to change, not Alex. The funny thing is that changes in me produce changes in him so i don't need to dwell on the fact that he isn't trying to change, it will just happen.

*I have learnt that I need to do my part to be the wife that Alex wants. For us that means having 3 colombian meals daily, always having juice in the fridge, clothes ironed, house somewhat clean for the company that always stops by, animals fed. It also means me reminding him of things because he is forgetful, me letting him go and play with the boys every once and awhile, and mostly me being friendly to the gazillion people that walk into our home daily, offering them what we have.

I'm working on it and I fail many times but I have come to realize that by me doing these things to please Alex it makes him want to please me and then we are all sort of happy.

God has taken us though a whirl wind of emotions in the last few years and we have seen God and only God keeping us together. We were falling apart when we found out that I was pregnant with Leyla and God used that to bring us together again, then she passed away and we had no choice but to stick together but then shortly after that the old feelings started creeping back in and shockingly enough I got pregnant again. It was then that I saw Alex in a different way, I saw him working hard daily to build a home for his family. Things were still far from perfect and we still fought more then not but he was showing love in his own way. Logan was born and God used that to form a family in us. Sure we still don't snuggle like I have always wanted (because Alex just isn't like that) but we talk now and laugh and somehow we have learnt to let somethings go.

Basically my point is that we are not alone. Thankfully if we are willing, God is gonna do the work, it may be slow and seem like it´s never gonna be better, but it will. Our marriage isn't all wonderful and it probably won't ever be but it is amazing to see God working, reminding me daily how far he has taken us. Sure there are days when I explode and am reminded of all the crap that happened, but then I see Logan yelling "Ales" (Alex) across the room and Alex running to him and giving him a kiss and then me a smile and I know that God is real and that God is the one that saves marriages, not me. He is the one that helps us forget and helps us start over the billion times that we need to.

So, Please pray for us, things are still a daily struggle for us (and this week was especially hard) but we know that God is working and that is what matters.

So if any of you out there are going through rough times and feel alone, don't! Know that everyone around you has problems even if they don't share and that it is ok to be honest becuase it just might help!

A break

2009-11-27T00:13:00.005-05:00

There is this young man who has been staying with us on and off for the last few months. His Mom has a farm close by and she helps out here around the house. He loves video games and well he seems to like us or our house so he has just stayed. We don´t really mind though because he helps out and does his share and knows when it´s time to leave us alone. Well, he wanted to say thank you to us for letting him be at our house so he invited us to the farm that his family used to work at. We had a great time swimming and just hanging out. Thanks Juancho!

Finally

2009-11-26T23:15:00.005-05:00

So we have this garbage can in our house that is used to store corn for the chickens. Logan many times tries very hard to reach in to grab a handful of corn. He then proceeds to drop it on the floor to listen to the sound it makes and possibly eat a few kernels. Laitly though the bin has been fairly empty and he has not been able to reach it. He tries and tries but well, he is too little. The other day a friend of ours gave in to his tippy toes and streching arm and plunked him in the bin. He couldn´t have been happier!

My baby is walking...

2009-11-24T20:15:00.003-05:00

This is what is happening in our house as of yesterday! I would say that Logan is officially walking at 11 months, others may not but as of yesterday he is walking more then he is crawling. He can´t stand up without holding on to something so he crawls to the nearest chair and off he goes! He is growing up too fast!

My little bunny

2009-11-24T14:34:00.003-05:00

Could this be the reason....

2009-11-21T10:05:00.004-05:00

...that my son had a yeast infection in his mouth, throat and on his bum. Oh this little guy gets into everything and he doesn´t care if it is a challange. He actually fought our cat for this frog and a few scratches later, he won. If we wouldn´t have been watching Logan he would have put it in his mouth. Of course being good parents and all before we washed his hands with soap we took a few pictures while he proceeded to squeeze the poor little frog til his stomach came right out of his mouth. It was a painful death for the poor little frog but it made for a happy Logan.

In all seriousness though I now have to disinfect our floors many times a day so that this wont happen again to my little guy. We have so many animals, people, dirt, insects and so on coming and going each day in our house that it is hard to know what gave Logan this infection. And maybe just maybe it is from Logan licking the toilet the other day, who knows but I will do my best to keep the house germ free.

A Princess...

2009-11-16T11:24:00.008-05:00

A few nights ago we had the privalige of sharing in a very special night. Here in Colombia a girl is officially a woman when she turns 15 and they throw her a big party. Well this party was very much the same as many of the parties that we have been to except for one thing. The girl that was turning 15 was a true princess. Lina is a girl with special needs. I don´t know what it is called what she has but she was born this way and although she can walk, ssee and do pretty much anything her mind isn´t quite all there, but she is amazing and her family even more so. Her and her sister both were born this way and we have grown to love them and there family. Lina´s family is a poorer family that normally couldn´t afford such a party but in this case they made that huge extra effort to give Lina the party that she deserved. Her Mom, at the party, in tears thanks everyone for coming and sharing with them the one special moment that Lina will have in her life. She will never get married so this is her chance to have a party like that. Many tears of joy were shed at the party but the most special moment was when her brother (alone with Alex and a friend) sang to her and with tears in his eyes thanked the Lord for his sister and the ways he was. He said that God planned her exactally the way she is and that eventhough we can´t seem to always get what she is thinking she is perfect and part of God´s perfect plan for all our lives. It was a very special night, one that still brings tears to my eyes. Lina is precious to all of us and we are glad that we could share with her this very special night.

Lina says that Alex is her boyfriend. Here she is dancing with him, something she LOVES to do.

Lina´s Brother Sammy singing to her

It´s like a western out here...

2009-11-16T10:18:00.003-05:00

So... this morning my wonderful husband informs me that down in Boqueron there was literally a gun fight. A little argument and a few beers turned into one man going and getting his rifle and fireing a shot in the air and the other guy grabbing his machete and going at him. The one with the rife needed quite a few stitches because he took most of it to the head but we are told he is gonna be alright. Now, the problem is (if that doesn´t seem like enough of a problem already) is that the people here in this wonderful town of mine are very revengeful (is that a word? well you know what I mean) and this could all end up in the worst way imaginable. The guy with the machete is the husband to a lady that we are studying the Bible with. He is not a Christian so we pray that God would show him who HE is before anything terrible happens. Please pray for the these people and for this town that God would show HIS face and teach them who HE is.

Some moments...

2009-11-06T09:21:00.002-05:00

Alex made me a little wood and stone shelf for my plants and we thought it would be cute to take pictures of Logan and Pipe (he is the son of the lady that helps me) and well Alex thought it would be ¨Fun¨ to join in.
We were all busy cleaning the house and Pipe tells us to come and look at Logan. Sure enough Logan was sitting in a pot. He gets into everything but thankfully he can usually get out too!

Just another face from my little goof!

Father & Son

2009-11-06T08:56:00.001-05:00

Yesterday...

2009-10-27T07:56:00.002-05:00

Alex was feeding the Chickens...

... I was hanging out the laundry...

...and Logan was eating chicken poop!

10 months

2009-10-21T08:18:00.005-05:00

Last Sunday my little guy turned 10 months. I can't beleive how fasts time is going, I mean in 2 months I will have a one year old. Logan is definitly a joy in my day and I wouldn't trade him for anyone else, ever. Here are some things about my Logan...

*He is constatntly moving

*He wakes up in the morning and is upset until we let him go outside

*He has 8 teeth

*He says Dada when he is happy... and Mama when he is upset and needs lovin

*He pretends he is a giant and lifts the cats up over his head

*He is a climber, over, under whatever is in his way

*He is stubburn

*He officially had his first throwing himself to the floor temper tanturm

*He almost ate a live beatle (a big toony size one)

*He is a good eater, He eats more or less half a soup bowl full of whatever we are eating, sometimes more.

*He LOVES water and has no problem putting his head right in the pool

*He loves the lady that helps out around the house and knows that she makes breakfast and stands behind her in the kitchen till it's ready

*He is a good sleeper and puts himself to bed. He usually still wakes up once but that is because he gets thirsty because it is so hot

*He is a people person, the more people looking at him the better

*He loves kids and will babble away when they are near and yell when they are far away to get their attention

*He is learning to walk and has taken a bunch of steps in a row already

*He loves exploring the mountain with Daddy (Although Daddy's back doesn't love it)

*He really likes wrecking CD's and DVD's (I still can't figure out where he finds them)

*He makes faces for the camera the majority of the time

He is our Joy!

Logan- Mommy could not imagine a more perfect little guy for our family. You are pieces of both Daddy and I perfectly put together. We love you more then we could ever express and thank God every day for the happiness that he has brought us with you!

THESE make me smile!

2009-10-15T14:45:00.000-05:00

God Blesses...

2009-09-05T22:19:00.003-05:00

For the last few week I have been struggeling with the life of a missionary and how hard it is to raise support, come home on furlough and be expected so many things. I have shared with a few people the things that are going on in my head and I am not upset at anyone I am just sad. People expect so much from us when we are here and sometimes I wonder why others don't make the effort too. But this post insn't about complaining, this post is about the people who God has put into my life in the last few months who have really blessed me.

*Thank you to those of you who invited us into your homes without us having to call first

*Thank you to those of you who generously gave us donations and gifts without us having to present our needs to you

*Thank you to those who took the time to ask me how I was and let me vent and cry

*Thank you to those who have made the effort to be my friends while I am here, giving and sharing of your lives.

*Thank you to those who are genuinly interested in what we are doing and found us to ask us questions

*Thank you to those of you who litterally chased us down in church so that you could ask us who we were and let us know that you were going to support us

*Thank you to those of you that prayed for us and told us that we are special

Please don't get me wrong, we appreciate ALL of our supporters no matter what but these people stood out in this trip and were sensitive to my feelings and what I was going through. God is amazing and speaks to people and leads people to do what we are not up to doing.

Lord thank you for blessing me with these people while you helped me get over my struggles of being a missionary on furlough. Thank you for teaching me and molding me and reminding me how I should treat others, especially others in my same situtation.

Sometimes

2009-08-21T23:18:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I just wish that I wouldn't have to try so hard. I mean just sit back and let everything fall into place, not make the first move or figure things out. I am struggeling with some feelings at this moment and everything just seems so unfair yet I know the reality of MY Life and what needs to be done and sadly it all depends on me and me making it happen.

Lord please give me the strength to do what needs to be done!

8 months

2009-08-18T23:55:00.004-05:00

My not so little baby is 8 months old today. I can hardly beleive it but when I look at him and hold him I can tell. He is getting so big and maturing almost daily. My little guy is very independent and goes to sleep all by himself giving himself his bottles. There is no need for us to hold them and in fact he gets upset if we do. Logan is a happy boy and usually gets his way, especially when Grama is around. Logan loves to play with LOUD toys and is happiest when he can hold on to something and jump. He almost got himself good by jumping and shaking a shelf so hard that a big planter fell off. He didn't get hurt but sure had his eyes wide open when I got to the room. Logan eats almost everything but doesn't like anything that is smooth, he is all about the texture and perfers eating pieces of pretty much anything and chewing with his 2 teeth. His favorite right now is Banana and Buns! He started letting go while he is standing in the last few days and can stand for about 10 second before he gracefully sits down. He is very strong and has no problem hanging from stuff (with us there to catch him of course, just in case). Logan is getting into his making shy stange and although it is annoying when we go visiting, finally we are getting some cuddles from him. He is not a huggy guy at all so this is a great way to get in some loves while he sobs on our shoulders. Logan still has 3 long naps a day and goes to bed at 8:00 and sleeps sometimes till 9:30. He is just so active that he wears himself out. But Mommy is definitly happy for the breaks but misses him by the time he gets up!

Well I'm sure there are many more things to say about my little guy but that is what I can think of off the top of my head. He is a joy to us and makes our days a little brighter. We love you our little Logan and we thank God for you everyday!

It's all about the money!

2009-08-13T21:36:00.002-05:00

So, we just got back from Calgary from the Action International Office and we were informed that we need to raise more support urgently. I felt like sitting down and crying knowing that we only have 4 weeks left without the option of staying longer to do so because of Alex's visa running out. Do you know what it is like to raise support? To ask people for money? I think it is a horrible thing and the worst part is that we have basically run out of people to contact. My family is only so and so big and I have hardly lived in Canada so there is no one else. I am scared to think of what is going to happen and wonder if the ministry is going to be able to continue but on the same hand I know that God is big and faithful and that we just have to do what we need to do. I pray everyday that people would just e-mail me or call me and say, "we have decided to support you" or "we would like to give you a one time gift towards the vehicle that you oh so badly need" but so far nothing, and well, maybe that is how it is supposed to be. I don't know. We were trying to brainstorm today of ways that we could raise funds and we thought of having a big fundraiser but again, it feels wierd US initiating it. But whatever please don't get me wrong I am not complaing I just want to get the idea across that it is hard, very hard to be in this position of depending on others to live.

So here is a start, if anyone knows of anyone that we could visit please let us know.

God IS going to do something here too like he always does, we just need to continue to trust and follow.

The 2 men in my life

2009-07-26T21:34:00.002-05:00

Six Month Fotos

2009-07-23T14:58:00.005-05:00

STAMPEDE

2009-07-23T14:11:00.006-05:00

I love Stampede. I'm not sure why but I think it has to do with my childhood memories. I think we always went and I always had fun, so... I still like going. We went and we had a blast. Here are some pictures from the Stampede days.

Alex's 1st CANADIAN camping trip

2009-07-23T13:46:00.005-05:00

So, Alex has indeed been camping before and we actually lived in a tent and "camped" for 3 months so camping in itself is nothing NEW to him. What was new were all the convieniences that camping here in Manitoba has. I do realize that you can rough it here too but the majority of the people don't. 1st off there was electricity and water at our site, we were in a tent trailer with a heater, kitchen, fridge, beds and so on, and there were bathrooms and showers. Although it does make him laugh to think that this is in fact camping he had a great time.

Logan only had fun our last day. He cried almost the whole time and didn't sleep that much either. You see my baby is from the heat and loves the heat and just when we went camping it was so cold outside. At night we had a heater but it was wierd and would wait till it would get freezing again before if turned on. Well everytime it got cold he woke up and cried. Poor guy!

My sister Amanada and her husband Rene came on Sunday for the day. We had fun with them, too bad they couldn't stay longer.

Logan LOVES water! He is not scared of it and will even put his face in the water all by himself.

All alone swimming! (well I was there, I was taking the picture)

Alex making egg with HUGE flames

Playing cards with Amanada and Rene

My Dad, Alex, Logan and I went exploring one day. About an hour into it our littlest explorer fell alseep. Too much excitement I guess!

Visiting the falls. Logan was very interested in the moving water.

Alex and Logan in the trailer

Newsletter - June 2009

2009-07-02T22:30:00.004-05:00

Shouts of Praise!

We’re here!
We have been back in Canada now for just over 3 weeks and we are slowly but surely getting back into a routine. Our poor little boy has not been able to sleep very well since we have been back and it is taking a toll on him and his happy spirit. But, we are all still doing very well, enjoying the time we have with family and friends. We will be here till September 10th and would be happy to see you all and even visit your churches while we are here. Just let us know!
We were sorry to have to leave Colombia just as things were starting to get constant for us in ministry, but we are confident that the Lord will help everything pick up where we left it when we return in September. Some of you have ask us what exactly it is that we are doing, so I figured I would share just that in this prayer letter.

Monday- Alex and I visit the ACTION Colombia farm in a nearby town in the morning. We have a Discipleship class with the 7 leaders at the farm, teaching them A chronological Bible Study with the focus being who God is throughout the Bible. We just finished going through the study with them one time and they are eager to start it again from the beginning to see what they will learn new this next time. They are also starting to teach other groups (mother’s of the children that live at the farm) and are excited to see what they have learnt put into action.
In the afternoon we spend some time at a home for drug addicts, sharing with them and studying with them the Bible so that they too can learn about the God who loves them and forgives them.

Monday evening we began studying with a young married woman. She is married to a man in the military and spends much of the time alone, just her and her 3 year old son. She grew up in a "Christian" environment but because of things that happened in their family and church she was never too interested. We mentioned studying with her about a year ago and she wasn’t interested either. A few months ago she came to us and asked if we could have a class with her. Although we just began before we came to Canada she was excited to be able to finally have answers to her questions and see the proof of what she is learning in the Bible.

Tuesday- In the evenings we walk about 10 minutes to one of our neighbors houses and study with her, another lady and her 2 daughters and a young man from the area. We have been studying with them for a few months already and we are excited to see them already defend these classes to others who say that they are being sucked into our religion. They have understood that
it isn’t about religion but about knowing who God is and what he wants with them.

Wednesday- Many Wednesdays we have to make the 2 hour trip to Bogota to go to ACTION Colombia meetings. For a year and a half now Alex has been in ACTION leadership, which means more meetings to discuss, plan and make decisions. We alsoattend the regular ACTION Bible Studies when we can on Wednesday mornings. Wednesdays are also spent running errands, going to Doctor’s appointments and visiting Alex’s family in the city.

Thursday- In the afternoon Alex and I welcome the group of kids and youth from the area into our home (although they come and visit many times during the week). We use this time to study the Bible with them, play with them and just become their friends. One day we were just going to make necklaces with these guys and one of the young ladies spoke up and asked if we weren’t going to study first. When Alex asked if they actually wanted to study they all unanimously said yes and expressed that that is why they came. We are praying that God would use these young people to open doors with their parents.

Friday & Saturday- These 2 days are spent doing various things. We sometimes grocery shop, go to town, but mostly we spend time with our neighbors, helping them on their farms, and in general just building better relationships in the area. We know that we cannot share Christ with them unless we have a relationship with them first and so this is our focus, sharing our lives with them.

Sunday- This day we spend as a family going to our Church in Bogota when we can.
We hope this gives you a better idea of what our days are like; we are just beginning a new phase in our ministry but are excited about the doors that God has so far been opening and are positive that He will continue to open doors when we return.

We hope to see you all soon and share with you in person what God is doing in our lives and in Colombia
　
Thanks for praying
Alex, Kimberley and Logan

a moment

2009-06-18T10:53:00.004-05:00

"To him who alone does GREAT wonders,

His love endures forever"

Psalm 136:4

Logan - SIX months and counting

2009-06-18T10:51:00.001-05:00

WOW, my litle baby is Six months today and after the week we have had he isn't so little anymore. Starting Friday night Logan began sitting, Tuesday he learnt to crawl in the correct fashion, moving arms and legs and... he also got his first tooth. Wednesday morning Alex went to get Logan out of his crib and my little baby was standing there waiting for him. AAAHHHHH! Mommy is getting a little stressed thinking that her little baby isn't gonna be baby for long. But, I guess that's the way things go. We have been in Canada for over a months now and I am acutally happy that my family has been able to experieince some of his 1st since after September they won't have him around much.

Logan has always been a fast learner. He is determined and tries and tries until he can do it right or at least accomplish what he wanted to get done in the first place. He is uncapable of sittng still an wiggles and wiggles until you get him moving, whether it be walking around and talking to him or putting him on the floor so he can scoot around. He has never just sat and played like other babies unless he is stuck in the exersaucer thing and even then it is short lived. But, although Grama is very tired Mommy grew into her little guy and also into his energy and is happy that he is rather a busy boy then a laid back one. I guess he is just like his Daddy, Alex can't stop either.

Logan began eating fruit when he was only four months old and LOVES to eat. By now he is eating pretty much anything, (except allergy producing things and citrus) and loving it. For the last few days I had to cut out some of his real food because he was deciding to rather eat then have a bottle and that is a BIG no, no. So, we are back to cereal in the morning and we will see what other things we'll add back into his diet once he gets back to drinking his bottles properly. His favorite food is prunes (go figure) and it's even yummier if it is all over his face and clothes (apples are much more plesent for clothes). I guess you could say that I am pretty laid back with Logan and am willing to try pretty much anything if it makes sense in my head. If it doesn't it will be a flat out no.

Logan is HAPPY unless he is hungry and is always ready to shoot anyone and everyone a smile but if you are a kid you will get double. Logan loves children and could watch them for hours. He tries to talk to them and touch them and anything else he can think of. Logan loves to be "scared" by us saying boo and gives us his big open mouth grin. His giggles are precious and have stopped sounding like cries for help. He is a daddy's boy all the way and gets out of sorts when Daddy isn't around for long periods of time but he still needs his Momma sometimes and only his Momma and those moments I treasure. He gives me very wet kisses and hair pulling hugs and when he gets a little nervous (happy nervous) he puts his head into my cheast and a few secnds later lifts his head with a huge grin. I love my Baby and and happy that he is who he is and that God chose this little guy for me, especially for me because he is exactally what I needed.

A Final Goodbye

2009-06-12T11:07:00.006-05:00

A Small little wooden box sat in our bedroom for a year. Inside are the ashes of my daughter. We were not keeping them in our room for any purpose other then waiting to bury them in a safe place.

Finally a year later we were done most of our contruction and I knew where her ashes should stay. I didn't think this day would be as important to me as it was but I soon began to realize that it was when we went to shop for the tree to plant on top. I had decided awhile back that I would like to plant and Almond tree. I think they are a beautiful, strong trees, with delicious fruit (or nuts). They give great shade, just perfect to put a hammock under. We looked and looked for an almond tree but we couldn't find one anywhere. Alex asked me if we should pick a different tree and that is when I realize that it was so important. There in the middle of the greenhouse, tears stream down my face and Alex knew. I didn't even need to answer.

So, we did not place her in the ground or plant a tree on top on her one year birthday like planned, but a rather a few days later. Alex found a Almond tree and the day before my Dad left we said our final goodbye.

Alex went a few minutes earlier to the spot we had picked and dug the hole and I took Leyla's little box out of the clear bag that it had been in. I only looked in it once, the day we picked it up from the cemetary and then returned it to it's bag to wait. The time had come and when Alex came and told me that it was ready, tear once again stream down my face. It felt so final now, that it was real, I was burying my daughter. I didn't say a word but Alex took the little box in his hands and said a prayer, thanking the Lord for Leyla and thanking Him for taking care of her. That was it, the tree was planted with another just the same beside to hang the hammock between. But I will always know which one is hers and it will make me smile, because I know that she is loved.

Dad's Visit in Januray

2009-06-12T09:34:00.013-05:00

Dad arrived in Colombia when Logan was 2 weeks old. He got to the airport in Bogota at around 11 p.m. and then had to make the 2 hour drive yet to our house. Because of the size of our vehicle Alex went to the airport to pick up my Dad on his own. When Dad finally arrived at our house he was so excited to see his brand-new grandbaby. Dad's eyes lit up when he saw him sleeping on our bed and instantly picked him up and rubbed his cheeks (he does this will all babies, he says it their softest part). It was very special for me to see Dad with Logan, I knew that Logan was going to be loved by his Grandpa very much and that he would be very spoiled by the time Grandpa left.

And spoiled he was. It was very hard for Dad to hear Logan cry even for a few minutes, he would almost instantly stop what he was doing and go and pick his little guy up. Dad loved giving him his bottle and was always very impressed with the big burps that came out of such a little guy.

Dad and Logan spent many hours in this Hammock. Logan sleeping and Grandpa contemplating his grandbaby and the view, 2 very obvious proofs that God indeed exists.

Alex always promised Dad that he would have a horse for him to ride when he would come and Thanks to a special gift from someone Alex was able to come through. We bought Tara and her baby Canelo (cinnamon) only a few short weeks before in December. You see my Dad has a secret love for horses and would have loved to live on a ranch and take care of them and train them. He always says that he is going to ask if he can be the stable boy in Heaven. Canelo was untrained when Dad arrived and wouldn't even let anyone touch him or get near. Dad patiently stood there for a long time just waiting. Eventually it paid off and Canelo came up to him all on his own and Dad was able to pet him. Dad and Alex took a trip with 2 horses (we borrowed one) up the mountain and down and you could tell that Dad was in his glory.

While Dad was at our house he did something very special for me. He built me kitchen cabnets. You see it was terribly hard for my Dad to see us in the conditions we were in. By the time he came, it wasn't that bad anymore but still, the floor was raw cement, some of the walls were not finished, we didn't have all of our doors and so on. So this was something that he could do to help. He went with Alex to by the wood, a saw, the stain and everything else he needed and went to it. By the time he left I had an almost finished kitchen (we just needed to install the tiles). Eventhough it wasn't finished completly it was beautiful and it made me so happy to have a place to put thing and the food in the kitchen. Thank you Dad so much for everything you did for us while you were out, We were both so glad that you were able to come and take part in building our house.

A Christmas all on our own

2009-06-12T09:12:00.007-05:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!???

Ok, so that is how far behind I am wtih blogging. I have a bunch of blogs done already so hopefully I will catch up very soon.

Last Christmas was a different one for me. We spend the day all by our selves with no family around what so ever. It was a little strange but actually just what I wanted. You see Logan was only a few days old and I wanted him all to my self. Normally I wouldn't be that selfish but if we would have gotten visitors it would have been for a week or more and I just didn't want that. Typically Colombian Mother's stay with their daughters after they have there babies and take care of them and the baby and I did not want that. First of all, it wouldn't have been my Mom but Alex's Mom (I love her, but she she isn't my Mom) and I wouldn't have been comfortable telling her that I wanted to bath the baby or that I just wanted to have time with him alone. They figure you can't do anything but stay in bed after you have a baby and well, I didn't want anyone telling me to stay in bed while they did all of these new things with my baby. It may sound a little strange but it was actually a big concern of mine and so finally Alex made the decision that it was going to be just us and our new baby.

We didn't do much actually. We just hung out, watched a movie and Alex made a wonderful supper for us. Christmas Eve Alex came home with a gift for Logan. He had got him a puppy. We named her Taffy. She actually really liked Logan from the beginning and would stang in front of him when cats would walk by I guess protecting him from them.

All in all my very different Christmas was juts perfect. I had my 2 favorite men by my side, just me and them. What more could I have asked for.

Saying goodbye to Grandpa

2009-06-10T10:53:00.010-05:00

The day after Logan was born my Grandfather, Jack Loewen went to be with the Lord. Although I will miss him very much I can praise the Lord that his long struggle with sickness is now over. Logan only had his great-grandpa for one day and I know that they never actually met but I know that they would have loved eachother and had a great time playing together.

I loved my grandpa very much and although we at time had our share of differences (we were both a little stubourn at times) I respected him and loved all that he was as a human being.

Grandpa was a strong man that took good care of his family and welcomed others into it as if they were his own flesh and blood. He loved to serve the Lord and was happy to go the extra mile for church and for missions.

Grandpa played with us as kids and I remember his famous wisker rubs (that actually hurt a bit) that would have us giggling for quite some time. Later on in life I remember Grandpa telling us stories of his childhood, where he grew up, his first jobs, and meeting Grandma. These times held a special place in his heart and was proud of his past, no matter how hard it was, and the things that God did in his life.

I had the privalege to live with them for quite some time and to see Grandpa's constant love for Grama. He was a true example of what a husband should be. I know that he wasn't perfect and wouldn't express his love by saying I love you very often you could see how much he adored Grama and would do pretty much anything for he. When Grama was sick, he would make food, clean, wash dishes, do laundry and pretty much anything else that was needed. I know that he didn't do it out of obligation either but because he wanted to help.

Grandpa also had a great big love for mowing the lawn and all of us kids had the joy of mower rides with him. He would have spent all day on the tractor if you could have and I think he sometimes eventhough about mowing on Sundays, eventhough he never did.

There are many more things that I could share about my Grandpa but I am just going to share one more thing. Grandpa was a true missionary. Although he never went overseas or learnt a new language he knew that being a missionary was what God called us to do. Eventhough Grandpa did share his faith with others that is not exactally what I mean. Grandpa supported missions and made it a priority in his life. Even before Mom and Dad left for Colombia I remember Grandpa telling us about missionaries and how important that job was. While Mom and Dad were on the mission field and now while Alex and I were, Grandpa made us a priority and often sacrificed his own to help us. Now just as he was getting sick he often expressed how important it was for him to see Alex and I with a house and although it wasn't finished by the time he passed away, him and Grama made sure that we had all we needed to basically finish it. I don't love what my Grandpa did for the money but for his heart. I am blessed that God was so important to him that he wanted to see us living in a proper home so that we could continue to share about God.

I will miss you Grandpa, and although it doesn't really feel like you are gone becasue I never got to say goodbye I know that you will leave a big hole in my life. A hole that I will try to fill with memories of you, and I am positive of the words that you often shared with me and others around you, that everything works for the good of those who love the Lord.

Going back, way back

2009-06-10T09:55:00.005-05:00

It has been awhile since I have blogged and even sometimes in between what I didn Blog there have been a few important ones missing, so here goes.

Logan's BIRTH day was a whole whirlwind of emotions for me, I mean of course I was excited about having a baby, but the memories of last time, not even a year earlier in the same hospital came back clearer then ever. It all started with tiny little differences I started noticing when they were just checking me in. The tiny ID bracelet that was being filled out next to mine, and the questions about the diaper bag, making sure I had brought everything that Logan would need. Next they rolled me upstairs to my room when a small tear rolled down my face when I saw a small bassinet in the corner. I turned to Alex and said, "Leyla never had a bassinet". After that I started focusing on my new little guy and patiently waited for him to come into this world. After reliving the dreaded epidural (which didn't hurt at all this time, better anesthesiologist I guess) I had a baby by c-cection, and they showed me a perfect little scrunched up in a ball baby over the sheet that was blocking my view. They took him away to get him cleaned up and I heard him cry for the first time, that is when my tears of pure joy and sadness began to roll down my face. It was a strange mixture of being so happy to welcome Logan into this world and complete sadness remembering my little girl and all the things that I would never get to experience with her.

When we found out that Logan was going be be a boy I was also very sad. Please don't get me wrong, I love my son and would not change him for anything, and in fact I have always wanted a boy first, but I guess in this case my brain was telling me that I still needed a girl. I missed out on all the things that come with having a girl and I suppose in some ways it felt like I would be missing out once again. After about 2 hours I came to my senses and was super excited to start looking for boy clothes. I still sometimes find myself walking through the baby clothes looking at dresses wondering how it would have been.

I don't know why our hearts and minds feel some of the things that they do but I guess it is all part of being human. I still have hard moments where I just sit down and cry because I miss my little girl but inside I am at peace and know that she is happy, praising God right at his feet.

I am still blessed to know that my Doctor made the little extra effort to inform everyone at the hospital of my situation so that I would not feel hurt by anything, and even extra blessed to have all of the nurses give me hugs of joy when they saw me back in the hospital with Logan in my belly. They are some of the most wonderful people that I have met and they will always have a special place in my heart. They helped me welcome both of my children!

I would like to share a song that I wrote for Leyla a few months after she died. I always knew that I wanted to write her a song and I even tried before she was born and shortly after but it was still too hard. When I would try I would just end up sobbing trying to think of the right words. But, a few months later, with the same tears in my eyes I was ready. I don't have it recorded so I will just share the words. She would be a year and 5 months now, but sometimes it feel just like yesterday that I was holding her in my arms saying goodbye.

You came, a little joy in our storm

You stayed, a constant heartbeat in the midst of our pain and tears

I didn't know, how a speak of like could touch me

And I didn't know, that it could hurt so much to finally say goodbye

But you are safe and sound, in our Father's loving arms

You are running around, with your perfect body

I can hear you laugh, when you tell a story

And I can see you smile, Our perfect child

Time has passed, I long to hold you in my arms

But I know, that God's plan is bigger then what I can imagine

I know, that I'll always love you baby

And I know, that you'll always hold my heart in your hand

But you are safe and sound, in our Father's loving arms

You are running around, with you perfect body

I can hear you laugh, when you tell a story

And I can see you smile, our perfect child

I can hardly wait, to see you once again

I can hardly wait, to tell you what you meant

I can hardly wait, to see you sing at Jesus' feet

I can hardly wait, to tell you I love you

THREE Months

2009-04-04T23:21:00.004-05:00

Ok, so it has been forever since i have written or posted pictures and honestly this wont be anything long but I just had to post this picture of my little guy. In this picture he is 3 months old and it perftectly represents him. He is all laughs and smiles, he is a bit flirt and makes eyes at all the girls that he sees. Mommy reminds him that she is gonna get jelous! I can´t believe that he is already 3 months and in fact he is already 3 and 1/2 months old. Time flies!

This picture was taken when we went to get his passport pictures taken (there is a Grandma in Canada that is patiently waiting to snuggle her grandbaby). In the picture he can't be smiling or frawning, or have his mouth open, and his eyes have to be open. Wow, that is acutally hard with a baby and especially since he wanted to smile and smile. Eventually we did get a picture that worked and we got this one as a bonus!

My little guy

2009-02-05T13:29:00.004-05:00

Well I suppose it is time that I wrote something about my little Logan, so here goes...

Dec 17 we let for the city because I had a routine doctors apointment. Once again we dragged all of the babies stuff and my stuff along just in case. Just before we left one of our neighbour ladies stopped by and informed me that it was showing in my face that the baby was gonna be born soon . Well we started off and like normal I started having contraction on the way there but this time we were calm becuase we were on our way to the hospital anyway. When we get there I tell the doctor the news and she checks and sure enough I am about 3 cm and have strong irregular contractions. Well she ships me off to a room and starts me on some medication to make the contractions regular. About 2 hours later I was only at 4 cm and that is where I stayed. Finally next morning at 6 the Doctor informed us that Logan would be delivered by c-section. I wasn´´t to excited but there was nothing else to do. Logan was in position finally but my womb (I think this is a funy word) was too high and wasn´t in any hurry to drop. Alex stepped out for 5 minutes to get somehting to drink and by the time he got back I was already down stairs getting ready for surgery. Everything went quickly after they gave me the epidural (last time it hurt sooooo much and they had to do it twice, so I was a little nervous) which in fact didn´´t really hurt this time. Eventhough they were doing a c-section they still had a hard time getting him out because he was so high. 2 nurses pushing and the doctor pulling (i definitly felt sore after) and Logan fianlly came out. He was sound asleep and all rolled up into a little ball. I had tons of thoughts running through my head (which I will go into in a future e-mail) but in general I was justy happy that God gave me a baby that I could hold and feel squirm. Well that was pretty much it, the rest of the day was pretty much me begging Alex to let me hold him. One good thing about being the mom is that I have to hold him when he is hungry, so people can only be greedy for so and so long.

Well Logan is now a big boy and my back is definitly feeling it. He is super good and only cries when he is hungry, every 4 hours or longer if it is at night. Generally he wakes up once and eats for a few minutes and falls right back asleep. I love having him around and love our routine and hate when we have company and they reck it all. Alex´s parents were here last weekend and they had him in there arms the whole time and my poor guy had a rough day after they left. He falls asleep all on his own and loves to be outside where there is a breeze and movement. Logan is a good baby but when we get mad, he gets mad and turns bright read and starts to hit anything that gets in his way. We find it so hilarious that even just after being around for one week we could say his name in a sturn manner and he would calm right down. Babies are smart even though they look so helpless.

The same day that Logan was born he was holding up his head and a few days after that he rolled over in our bed. Last week he discovered that he could stand if he made his legs straight and decided that he loves bouncing on them. He is a strong boy and we are amazed every day when he can do.

Our little family (Logan 1 month)

This is Logan after bottle look! He eats so much, I nurse his for an hour and then eats 4-6 ounces after! No wonder he gained more then 2 pounds in 2 weeks! Doctor says he`s at a good weight for his height and that so far he should eat till he is full no matter how much it is.

PICTURES!

2008-12-29T19:35:00.003-05:00

LOGAN JHOEL

2008-12-18T16:16:00.002-05:00

This will be short but we are happy to announce that we welcomed our little baby boy into this world this morning at 8:11. We are all doing well, enjoying our new little baby.

Update!

2008-12-03T11:36:00.003-05:00

Well, thankfully baby is still in my belly. Normally I suppose I wouldn't be saying that but with all of the funeral stuff and having Alex's Grandma with us for the last few days and the realization that my house still isn't quite ready for a baby I am glad that this little fellow is hanging in there. Although my days have been filled with contractions and doubts of when I should finally pack up and make the 3 hour drive to the hospital things have been good. Please keep praying for us as the next few days are gonna be a whirlwind of arranging and last minute building. Well, this was a short little message but I thought a few might be interested to know what had happened.

I´m soooo Tired!

2008-11-28T19:40:00.003-05:00

Well, each dy seems eternal these days and I am just soooo very tired that I just don´t know what to do with my self. Last week Tuesday I spemd the majoity of he afternoon and evening in the hospital wondering if this little guy was gonna decide to come. Well after them tell me that yes I was indeed having contraction and that I had actually dialated a little they gave to pills to STOP the contractions. After my initial thoughts of frustration (I mean who stops contractions after tey start) they inform me that this little guy is sidways and in no position to come out. So, after going through all of the stages that apparently come before birth my body was put on hold.

This morning I woke up crying and everything Alex said to me I responded in tears. Alexbrought home the most beautiful horse and her baby and all I did was cry. I told Alex that I just felt gross and tired. We had to go to town in the morning and while we were sitting there waiting to ave lunch I looked at Alex and told him that this baby was gonna be born today. I sarted having small contractions but nothing too big. On our way home we got a call that Alex´s Uncle (who had cancer) had just died. So off we go to the city to be with the family. Onthe way there I actually had to start breathing through some of the contractions Ok so that is where I am at right now. We are waiting for Alex´s family to come home from the hospital to at least say hi to them and then perhaps we will be off to the hospital. I am a little hesitant to go and just have them send me back home again but I guess if they keep up we will have to go see what they say and have a baby!

Please pray for us and for Alex´s family. Pray that this baby would come at the perfect time and that everyone would be able to feel God near to them as they are sayinggoog bye!

Cute but very annoying

2008-09-12T15:16:00.004-05:00

So, we have these very cute little chicken who have recently been left alone by their mother. I guess that they feel a little lost as to where to sleep so they have chosen to cuddle up with all of our clean clothes. Now, it was cute the fist time. We moved them to a better spot and I washed all of the clothes pooped on, but they don´t seem to get the point. Night after night we move them, hopefully they learn eventually!

My favoirte BUG

2008-09-12T15:08:00.004-05:00

I don´t know if people should actually have a favorite Bug but I think God showed his creativity with this little guy. He looks just like a leaf! I think he is cool and I just wanted to share.

25 weeks and finally a picture

2008-09-12T15:03:00.004-05:00

I would like you all to meet our baby. Finally we were able to get some pictures downloaded so here he is, well in my belly at least. I feel huge already and sometimes wonder where he is ever gonna fit in a few months but I know, things stretch. Everything is going great and he is moving like crazy making my life a little more interesting.

It´s official

2008-08-13T16:06:00.004-05:00

For those of you that have been waiting, it´s official our little guy is in fact a BOY! The Doctor said she was more then 100% sure seeing as how his legs were spred wide open for the shot! We are both excited but Alex is crazy happy that he is gonna have a son. I will try and post pictures in the next few days, posts without pictures just are not the same!

BABY!

2008-07-04T17:06:00.005-05:00

So, I have heard from a few people that they can´t wait to know if our baby is a boyor a girl. Now let me remind you that this is only about 85% sure so...

It´s a BOY

The Doctor assures up that she has never been wrong but there is always a first time I guess. She told us to not go to crazy buying boy stuff just yet but I honestly couldn´t resist. We bought our little guy some tiny little swim trunks and some sandels so his daddy can take him swimming.

I think it´s funny actually that the mayority of you guessed that it was gonna be a boy. I actually have a pretty big belly already and as soon as I buy batteries for our camera I will take a picture and let you all see.

So ya that´s the news. We will hold off telling everyone his name until it is confirmed.

Please enjoy (or not, it´s really up to you) the tons of posts that I just put up!!!!! I had a bit of catching up to do.

House Walls

2008-07-04T16:57:00.004-05:00

Ok, so This is a new way of building so it may sound a little strange. Here Alex is putting barbed wire from post to post.

Here they are putting up burlap sack ontop of the wire securing it to the posts.

After the sacks are up you put a cement wash on it and let it dry. Once that is done a thick layer of cement, sand, rice shells and water get put on the wall. This picture is of just that. There is one layer on already, they still need to put another layer on and then smooth it out!

This is what our house looks like today. It is really not done yet but at lestit is dry and somewhat liveable. This month we will once again be starting to work again. I tell Alex that he can take his time, as long as we have a somewhat decent place to but a baby in December!

House Frame

2008-07-04T16:44:00.005-05:00

Getting the holes dug, posts up and cemented inwere our first job

There was some lower ground so we had to build them up a bit first

Alex and Orlando putting the roof beams up

With a bit of roofing on

A very faithful horse that hauled the sand for the cement for us in these nifty boxes

Starting the House

2008-07-04T16:37:00.003-05:00

So, to start off our house we first had to dig a big hold to level out the land. Unfortunitly this is done by hand, Fortunitly a group from Church came and helped! I am proud to say that I too helped dig our hole, actually I did better then some of the men because I was already used tot he heat! Poor Guys!

Only half a meter deeper guys!

Trying to get everything level

The group of wonderful men that helped!

Baby Chicks!

2008-07-04T16:31:00.004-05:00

Awhile back we had our first baby chick experience. I was excited from the beginning. From the first moment when we found the first egg to seeing the Mother train them and protect them. The mothers put around 10 to 12 eggs and then sit on them for 21 days. Every once and awhile they get up and eat, drink and use the bathroom and then return to there eggs. About 21 days later the babies begin to hatch. The Mother chicken is very organize. She even organizes the egg shells and puts them together in a stack once the chicks hatch. Unfortunately I wasn’t here when these particular chickens hatch but I have seen it twice since. About a day later this little mother is all about teaching her babies. She starts to eat and drink and they watch her all confused for awhile until the first one attempts to do the same. The Mamma is very protective and opens her wings wide when there is trouble so her chicks can hide behind them. She takes them for walks and teaches them to hunt bugs and take dirt baths and to sun tan. When it is time, she starts to kick them out so they can begin there own lives. This begins with little pecks and ends up weeks later in loud shrikes until they finally leave. It has been interesting watching these Hens and their babies. We can see how God planned every detail of this as well!

The first egg!
Baby Chicks 3 days old
Learning to drink!
Sun Tanning! They look like they are dead!
Line up in a row a few weeks later!

June Newsletter

2008-07-04T16:25:00.003-05:00

Life in a Tent
It’s been awhile since we wrote a prayer letter. It’s not that we haven’t had the desire but more the fact that we haven’t had where to write it. Since the middle of March we have been living in a tent with the majority of our belongings in boxes. This includes our computer and camera cable. It hasn’t been as bad as I expected, and we have actually enjoyed the adventure for the most part. Now, we know that this has nothing to do with us loving adventure and all that it entails, but rather God has been teaching us and walking us through every step of this. It has been funny actually having our poor neighbors come and visit and tell us time and time again that they would never live like this. Alex along with a few of our friends from the area built a large tent structure where we had a bathroom and a multipurpose area where we put our tent (for sleeping), the fridge, stove and sink. We had electricity, water and a bathroom, what more could I ask for!! One plus to living like this is the fact that I didn’t have to do much housework, considering our floors were dirt and our walls and ceiling were plastic. Our biggest struggle this whole time was the rain. Makeshift roof and walls don’t do much to keep the rain out and as much as I enjoyed not having to clean I would have gladly spent a few hours doing so if it would have meant not having a mud pit and wet belongings many mornings.

We are now in our house! It still has a ways to go before it is finished, but at least we are covered with a roof and have cement floors. We still sleep in our little tent but are more relaxed now knowing that all our belonging will be dry in the morning even if it rains. Alex and Orlando have become great friends, which I guess isn’t much of a surprise considering they spend every day working together. These two, along with a few others every once and awhile, have been working overtime to get our house built. It is coming along and it is exciting to see it take form. We praise God every day for what He has provided.

We are settling in nicely to our new surroundings and keep learning daily how to be farmers. We are thankful for our neighbors and friends who are always willing to lend a hand and give us advice. We are slowly getting to know the people in the area and are starting to build friendships with them. We know that God is going to do BIG things in this area and that we need to be patient and constant until that time comes. Pray that God would open doors for solid friendships and that we would be able to show God through our “imperfect” lives.

Baby
We are excited to announce that we are expecting our 2nd child sometime in December. Although this news has brought joy and excitement, we our constantly reminded that God is the maker and owner of life and that this little creature is His. So far our wonderful Doctors say that everything looks great and assure us every appointment that what happened last time medically won’t happen again. I personally have had a great first few months with constant tiredness being my only enemy. Praise God with us for this new life and for whatever its existence will bring.

Pray
*Pray for Alex and I that God would continue to work in our lives. Pray that God would strengthen our marriage and mold us into a couple that will make Him smile.
*Pray for our growing baby! Praise the Lord for this wonderful news and for all the things that we are going to learn with this new adventure.
*Pray for all of the people in Colombia affected by the constant rains. Many people are living in flooded areas and have no where else to go. Pray for shelter, food, and health for these Colombians, many who are living in tents along side the road.
*Pray for the construction of our home. Especially pray for Alex as he is suffering with constant pain in his shoulder from an old accident. He needs to go to the Doctor but would like to finish the house first before the Doctors order him to not work.

(There were more pics but they will be included in different posts)

I Tried My Hardest

2008-07-04T16:04:00.007-05:00

I was brave, and wanted to prove to myself that I could kill a chicken. I doesn’t really gross me out or anything but it is definitely something new. I even went and visited a neighbor one day when she was going to kill her chicken so she could show me how and explain to me what exactly I had to do. The day of the kill I took my chicken turned it’s neck twice like she explained and pulled slightly to snap the neck. It didn’t work! So I tried again and pulled a little harder and still NOTHING! I was starting to feel really bad for this little chicken, but it had to die so I tried a few more times. After this Alex and I were both a little stressed that this chicken wouldn’t die and of course we didn’t want it to keep suffering. So in a very calm voice (ya right, I’m sure I yelled very loud) I told Alex to pull it´s neck. I should first let you know that Alex had never killed a chicken either and didn’t really have much desire to do so. He was so nervous that he pulled his head right off. It looked a little gross but I was thankful that he was dead and not suffering anymore. Alex on the other hand, well I think his expression says it all.

Our Baby Deer!

2008-07-04T16:00:00.002-05:00

So we found a baby deer! Don’t get me wrong it was cute and everything and I actually liked having him around but let me tell you I tried hard to convince Alex not to take this little guy home. My convincing didn’t work to well and he ended up convincing me instead to take him home into our house. The first day he was so scared and stayed in the corner of our bathroom and didn’t move. The next few days he began feeling more comfortable and one night we woke up with this little creature cuddled between us in bed. A few days later we made the move up to the farm and made him a home outside. Everyday we would take him out and tie him to a tree so he could graze. He even escaped one day and a few days later we found him sleeping in him cage (It was big, we both fit with extra room) once again, so we concluded that he actually like being with us. Unfortunately our little guy died a while back and let me tell you it was a very sad day. It was a very neat experience that we had and we will always remember his kisses!

Everything is GREAT

2008-06-26T09:18:00.003-05:00

Just a short note to let everyone know that we had our 14 week ultrasound and baby is perfectly healthy and super active. The Doctor was actually getting a tad annoyed because it wouldn´t stay still long enough to do the measurements. The baby is just over 7 cm long! It was a very different expereice for us and we were overjoyed to see it move considering that Leyla didn´t move at all during her ultrasounds. We even got to experience a little yon from our little one. So cute. More exciting news is that we know whether we are having a boy or a girl! I wont spill the news yet as the Doctor still wants to confirm it in a few weeks. The news may get out as we are awful at keeping our own secrets so who knows you may find out sooner then later. Let me know what you think we are having!!!

A little bit of everthing!

2008-05-05T14:38:00.003-05:00

So, I pretty much don´t have a clue where to start. If I had pictures on hand this would be much easier but since I don´t (our camera cable is packed in a box) this will just have to do. Alex kicked me out! I should probably say that I am kidding now but I´m actually not, but he did kick me out in a loving manner. For the last almost month and a half we have been living in a tent and well, last wednesday night out tent flooded and Alex gave me the boot. He informed me that he was not allowing his pregnant wife to live in a flooded tent so he sent me to his Mom´s. It´s been ok atually but this morning I just about had enough of not being in my house with my husband and I secretly cried all morning. I´m fine now thanks to my sister in laws who found a way to cheer me up!

Alex is busy trying to finish our house, well temporary house that is. Although I have a feeling it wont be so temporay at this point. Don´t get me wrong we will build the other house but because of the circumstances I think it will have to wait. The major reason that we will have to put a hold on our house is that a few years back Alex wrecked his shoulder and never went to the Doctor and after pushing himself to the limite building he is probably in need of surgery. Alex called me this morning and told me that the floors are all laid and the bathroom installed and now they just have to finish the walls. Pray that his goes quickly.

I am doing great baby wise. I have had some mild disgust towards food but nothing too serious. Alex and I got the stomach flu the other day or we ate something bad but I now have a new found sympathy for pregnant ladies who are nausious all day. Yuck, I am sure glad that it didn´t last long. This Thurday I have my first ultrasound and am super excited to be able to hear my little ones heart beat for the first time. Obviously we wont be able to see much except for a little tiny baby dot but I´m excited anyway. Last time I had the first ultrasound at just over 5 weeks so we should be able to see a tiny bit more. Today I am approx. 7 weeks along, doesn´t seem like much but time is actually going pretty fast. Things are good and we are paising God for what ever may come!!!

There are many, many more things that I could write but I will wait till I have pictures to add to the post.

Well I guess the news is out!

2008-04-22T15:14:00.004-05:00

By now most of you know but for those of you who don't.

I'm Pregnant

We are expecting baby #2 sometime in December, and we are super super excited. Of course there are some moments of nerves considering what we had just been through but we have leart that God is perfect and whatever comes HE is our strength.

Temporary House Update

2008-03-03T12:56:00.003-05:00

It has finally stopped raining and now we are experiencing the crazy heat that everyone was telling us about. It’s hot and as you can see from the picture even the cats are taking advantage of the fan. The fact that it isn’t raining anymore is a good thing because the road isn’t going to get wreck more, but it doesn’t change the fact that the truck to haul stuff for the house still can’t get through. The men of this area are taking 1 day a week to fix the road at least so the jeep that takes the kids to school can get through. We are in process of making our temporary house, which is no longer going to be made out of mud, it is going to made out of some sort of concrete mixture. As soon as we are in this house we will continue to work on our house with a little less pressure. We have all been working hard trying to get a house made and finally it seems like we are making some kid of progress. We have the holes dug in the ground and today and tomorrow the foundation walls will be up and the ground moved to level everything. Let me tell that building on a hill without tractors is a lot of work, it involves a lot of shovels and moving of dirt. My shoulders are killing me and I only helped for about 2 hours yesterday afternoon. After this is done the actual house will take less then a week. We called in all of the favors that we could yesterday and hopefully for the weekend we will have a handful of workers more. Pray that we will get everything done before the 18th.

Colombia Update

2008-03-03T12:55:00.001-05:00

A lot has happened in the few short days since I wrote the last. I am sure there are many people that if they read this they would have strong opinions about me commenting about this on my blog. I am not going to express my opinion rather the facts or what we have been hearing here on the news. Since the Colombian military bombed the guerilla camps there has been an uproar and I’m sure that it has made international news since many countries have already expressed their opinions about the matter. During this bombing one of the camps was in Ecuador and the Colombian government violated their territory and bombed it anyways. There are mixed feeling towards this from the Colombians but the governments of both Venezuela and Ecuador have taken drastic actions as a consequence of this. Both countries have sent military troops to the boarders, have expelled the Colombian ambassadors, and have even stopped the entrance of Colombian vehicles into their countries. Many believe that these countries are asking for a war but so far the Colombian military has not made any move. During the bombing 3 or 4 computers were taken and there has been evidence that there were ties and even an alliance between the guerrilla groups and both Ecuador and Venezuela. It’s hard to know what this all means and to even know what is going to happen in the future but at this time nothing much has happened here in Colombia expect the call to all Colombians to support their president at this time. The Presidents of both Ecuador and Venezuela led their countries in a minute of silence for the death of the guerilla leader which caused a stir here in Colombia. Why would 2 countries pay their respects to a terrorist? There has also been so called evidence that the Venezuelan president has given money to the guerillas as well as used weapons. The TV all days has breaks in the programming for news updates and press releases from governments all over the world. The United States has expressed their support to Colombia in their fight against terrorism and expressed the opinion that the problem between Ecuador and Colombia should be resolved between them and not include Venezuela. The computers that were taken have been sent for international analysis because of the evidence of many violations of international treaties that it contains.
*Today on the news there was a note explaining how the Colombian military reserve works. If needed they will first take the last 2 groups of young men who did their military service then if further men are need they have been divided into 3 groups. The first group is men between 18-30, the second 30-40 and the third men from 40-50 years of age. Alex unfortunately is in the first group and his brother Camilo is counted in the group of young men that would be taken first. Continue to pray for Colombia and the new problems that are presenting themselves each day.

Prayer Request

2008-03-02T12:53:00.001-05:00

On Wednesday (I think) good friends of ours (as well as Alex’s Dad’s cousin) welcomed a new little girl into their family. Just over a year and a half ago she gave birth to twin girls and was surprised when she found out that she was expecting again. Please pray for this little baby (I don’t even know her name) as she had some problems with her growth. Just like all babies she was folded in half in the womb but when the time can for her to stretch out in her development she didn’t and now it seems that her hips have some complications. She was in an incubator until now because of a lung infection and this week they will start doing test to see what exactly the problem is. There have been some comments from Doctors about Down syndrome but nothing has been confirmed. I cannot imagine the stress and worry that this couple is experiencing right now and even though obviously they will love this little girl no matter what it has to be hard finding out new like this. Please pray for their strength and that they would hold tight to the promise that God is in control.

It's Starting to Feel Real

2008-03-01T12:50:00.001-05:00

So I have been told for many years that I am living in a Country that is at war with itself contrary to what it may feel like. Since the 60´s Colombia has been at ¨war¨ with the Guerilla groups which in the beginning had a somewhat good vision. Their vision was to fight for the people, to help them against the corrupt government. Over time the government has cleaned up its act and the guerillas are now the ones that are corrupt. Alex’s Grandma tells us stories of when she was little and not being about to play outside because the chances of her seeing a body while she was playing was pretty good. Ok, so that kind of war, where there are dead bodies everywhere, is not happening but in the last few weeks it has become very real that there IS a war and that it could be heating up again. The Guerillas are infamous for kidnappings and in the last 2 months they have released 6 hostages that were on averaged in captivity for 6 years. These Hostages were all government officials and when they were released they had a few things to say to the Colombian government and especially the president. You see the thing is that these people were released because the Venezuelan government got involved and negotiated their release, the Colombian government didn’t actually do all that much. These hostages directly told the president that he has to stop being stubborn and start to do something. Well last night, I suppose as a demonstration that the president isn’t stubborn, carried out an air attack on a Guerilla base and 17 guerillas were kill which included one of their leaders. The way I can see it, it could go 2 ways. The Guerillas could let the over 700 hostages go or they can start to fight back again. I suppose we will have to wait to see what happens.

In Colombian if you are male, when you turn 18 you have to do a year or two of military service. Alex, like most other Colombians did his year of service and is now trained if Colombia ever does go to war again. So I started thinking about this the other day and it sort of hit me that Alex could one day be called to go to war. I had never really thought about it before but that doesn’t make it any different. I guess this brings tons of questions like, what would I do, where would I live and so on. I know that it is something that God has control over and honestly I’m not scared but it has been on my mind.
Please pray for the hundred’s of hostages that are still being held by the Guerilla groups, some for over 10 years. Pray that God would show them who He is through all of this and that they would be released soon, to once again join there families.

My First Kill

2008-02-25T08:38:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was pretty much a day like any other. In the morning I made Alex breakfast at 6:20 and then cleaned the house and made lunch. After lunch I went up to the farm with Alex and wile He was chapping down trees for our shack I went to my garden to plant pineapple. I had to clean up quite a bit of space and that meant digging up some shrub type weeds. While I was doing this a big tarantula came crawling out. I didn’t actually scream (I think people scream so other people will hear) even though I am deathly afraid of spiders but I did gasp and say out loud a few times, ¨You’re OK¨. I thought about it for a few seconds and decided that it would be better to kill it then to loose sight of it and have it crawl on me later. So I took my weapon, witch was a little shovel and tried to hit it. The first hit didn’t do any damage and it went and hid in some weeds so I tried again and blindly jabbed the shovel into the weed and this time only half of the spider came crawling out. Now because the tarantula was only half it was moving slower and I was able to finish it off. So the rest of the day I was a little jumpy but was definitely proud of myself when I was able to show Alex the little corpse on the ground.

A few things about Tarantulas

The are not slow like it shows in the movies, they move fast

They live in the ground. They dig holes or live in bunches of dried weeds or sticks sort of like a nest.

They do not make webs but rather leave a slim behind (I have never actually seen this but hey, that’s what they tell me here)

There are many, many different kinds and colors and sizes, most of them have fangs and are poisonous although many of them are not dangerous enough to do harm to people.

They are hard to kill. They have very hard skin and you literally need to chop them in half to kill them. Alex tried to squish one with a 2 liter Coke bottle once and instead of dying it was stunned and then kept on going.

A Glitch in Our Plans

2008-02-22T08:35:00.003-05:00

The Huge Rock that is now sitting on the side of the road

The Road

Like I said in the last post it has been raining like crazy here and this has affected every aspect of our lives here. The same night that the rock came slamming into our house the road that goes past our house up to the farm was pretty much destroyed. There are parts that can still be used but other parts that we can hardly get through walking. Normally this wouldn’t be a huge problem because we can walk up to the farm but it sorta puts a glitch in the construction of our house. We cannot get the material up to the farm, which means that everything is put on hold until the road is fixed and it stops raining. The problem is that the machines to fix the road are only available after March which means no house right now. We have to be out of this place by March 18 and well we had high hopes of at least having a roof on a house shell by then. So there is a solution, I am going to be getting a custom made mud house till we can fix this problem. Alex said he will make it nice and sealed from spiders so that I won’t be uncomfortable. I am actually ok with this by now. It was a little alarming when they presented the idea to me but now I am realizing that God may just be trying to teach me something. It will be in an interesting adventure but I know that it will help by closing the gap here with the local people. I will be posting pictures as they make it as I’m sure it will be something many of us have never seen before. Pray that God will be preparing me for all of the new adventures that are coming our way.

A Scary Night!

2008-02-22T08:29:00.003-05:00

Ok, so we are supposed to be in summer here which means hot DRY weather but for the last week it has done nothing more then pour the whole time. I mean it is raining so hard that there are mud slides everywhere. Last night when Alex and I were sleeping we were awaken by a loud thud. There was a mud slide behind the house we are living in and a huge boulder came slamming into the house. Fortunately it didn’t do any damage but it was sure scary. We ended up sleeping in the living room just in case more came crashing down. In the morning when we went and looked outside there were a whole bunch of large rocks close to the house and one especially HUGE rock right by the guestroom window. It didn’t hit the house because it got stuck on another rock, which is a good thing because it would have come right through the window. Pray for all the people in Colombia that are being affected by all the rain. Daily there are stories of families that have to leave there homes because they have been damaged or destroyed by the mudslides.

A Little Dissapointing

2008-02-19T08:23:00.001-05:00

Alex and Orlando going over the house plans with the architect by cel phone

We finally got our house plans from the architect and I honesty am not too happy with the house. The architect is a friend of ours and he did us a huge favor and made the house plan for free. I think he was trying to do us another favor and save us money witch drastically downsized the size of the house. I can handle small bedrooms and bathrooms and even a small kitchen but I really don’t want a small living room / dining room. I understand that this guy did us a favor but I feel a little upset that he didn’t take into account what we wanted for our house or our needs for a house. I have cried a few tears and Alex and I have had a few fights and finally the architect agreed that we can make the living room area 1 meter bigger. Personally this is still too small but I guess I gotta take what I can get. Alex does assure me though that because of the material we are using to build the house we can easily change it once the wall is up. I felt bad all week though, I don’t want to come across ungrateful and not happy with what I have, I guess it just isn’t what I expected.

Pictures!

2008-02-18T09:43:00.004-05:00

A Huge turtle that our neighbours found on the side of the road

Me washing dishes in a neighbours house. They cook every meal with wood

Another kitty, Mona (means blondy) watching me use the computer

Alex and I on my birthday

A monkey that was just hanging out close to a nearby town

One of our kittens, Joda, helping himself to Alex´s Milk one morning

Our newest Puppy (and hopefully the last Animal for awhile, unless it is a beautiful horse) Mocca

A Pineapple growing close to the farm

2 Beautiful Parrots

Alex showering and fixing a broken water tube!

I am Blessed

2008-02-12T09:42:00.002-05:00

…because I believe in powerful God that has saved me

…because I married a wonderful husband who’s passionate about everything he does

…because I am a mother to a little girl who I know will always be safe and loved

…because God has given me the opportunity to share of Him in a different country

…because I have a Mother and Sister that is are my best friends

…because I have food to share with my neighbors that sometimes go hungry

…because my Father is a gentle loving man who hurts when I hurt and cries when I cry

…because God gives us a new opportunity to start over everyday

…because I have Christian parents that are still together

…because I can pick mangos, lemons and oranges off the tree when I want to

…because my husband shows me daily that he tries his hardest

…because I have way to many kittens and a new puppy to cuddle when I am lonely

…because I have dog who tries to keep me safe when I am alone

…because I have a Mother and Father who sacrifice daily so we can be ok

…because we have people who generously give us money each month so we can live

…because God shows me daily that I am His

…because God provided for us to start building our own home

…because the view from our farm is a very real reminder of God’s perfect creation

…because I have people in my life that know how to forgive the millions of mistakes I make

…because I am loved

Who needs a truck when...

2008-02-08T09:39:00.000-05:00

You got a donkey! I’d like you all to meet the newest (well not the newest member anymore, it’s turning into a zoo around here) member of our family. Her name is Rallita (it means little stripe), she is about 5 years old and already a mother to a few. As I’ve mentioned before construction and farm work in general here in Colombia is a little different then in other areas of the world. Where we are building our house there is no finished vehicle access (trust me it will be finished sooner then later) so there is no way of hauling cement, brick and anything else that we need to make our house, so we did what any other logical person would do we bought a donkey. I feel a little bad that my little Rallita has to haul so much stuff but everyone assures me that she will not be harmed and will have plenty of time to rest.
*Since this was written we have actually made temporary access to the piece of land so we can now at least get the vehicle in. This is great because now what would have taken 2 or 3 days to haul the cement and sand will only take a few hours. There is still plenty of work for Rallita to do though so she was in no means a waste of money!

A Hollow Feeling

2008-02-06T09:37:00.001-05:00

Well, things here are pretty much back to normal. Like I said in the last post Alex is busy trying to build us a house and I am attempting to be a farmer’s wife, making breakfast at 6:00a.m. and having lunch promptly on the table when Alex comes home for lunch and in between cleaning the house so it isn’t a total disaster when people decide to drop in. I have been going with Alex up to the farm in the afternoons and it has been fun watching them break rock and helping out when I can. Although all of this keeps me plenty busy there is still this hollow, empty feeling that I have inside. It is not a sad feeling it’s just a feeling like something is missing. I suppose that having carried Leyla for almost 9 months and then not having her here is bound to bring feelings like that. It’s been interesting all of the strange feelings that I have had in the last few weeks. I say strange because they are not the feelings that I prepared myself for. I pictured myself crying all the time, but honestly there have only been a few times that I have actually cried. I cry mostly because I am scared that I will forget what she looked like. Even now when I try to remember some parts of her it isn´t as clear, and only less then a month has passed.

Anyway, the thing that I am struggling with the most is the feeling of needing to be pregnant again. It is a strange mix of wanting to be pregnant and knowing that it doesn’t depend on me when this happens but on God. I am patient and calm but I can’t deny that it is on my mind. The Doctor first of all told us that we should wait 3 to 6 months and let me tell you 6 months felt like an eternity away. The last appointment that I had she told me that 3 months would be best but if we decide we could start trying whenever we wanted. There are a lot of mixed feelings with this as well though. I want a baby but I don’t want to replace Leyla and sometimes when I think of getting pregnant right away it seems like we would be doing just that. Well I suppose it is something to leave in God’s hands because we don’t have control over when it happens anyway! God is good and I know that whenever it happens it will be perfect because that was God’s plan.