1 year and 1 day

looking back I couldn´t even imagine getting to this day.  It felt like each day was eternal.

Yesterday it was one year since Alex left.

I look back and I see mostly joy.  even within the tears I have felt God´s love and have heard His soft words telling me to trust him, that it´s all gonna work out.  Other days it felt more like He was yelling those words at me trying to get my attention but it still brought me back to the same place.  Unbelievably enough that place happens to be one of thankfulness.  It is hard to express and trust me there are many days that my body, mind and soul ache for my former life, but then things settle and I am reminded how far I have come.  How far God has brought me and how much he has taught me.  I feel like I am no longer a weak, scared little girl but that God has now made me a strong woman who knows what God is askin of her.

This year has brought with it many questions and one of them (mostly from others) has been, WAS IT A MISTAKE TO MARRY HIM?  My answer has always been an instant NO and that I would do it again in a second even knowing that this would happen again.  But, one day I actually took some time to think about this question and my answer, and honestly it didn´t change but it made me think of a few things.  If it was a mistake I wouldn´t still feel an emptyness is my heart, I wouldn´t still tear up when I hear his voice.  If my answer should be a yes, well then I would have surly moved on somewhat in a year and come to terms with what has happened.  Well, I havn´t and I won´t because God has shown me time and time again that it wasn´t a mistake. 

I love him and always will no matter what dumb things he does and no matter how long it takes.  I get how some people don´t understand how I could just be ok with waiting and to that I say, well, I´m glad it´s not you in this situation.  God has blessed me with patience and the ability to forgive easily.  I´m not trying to boast but HE has given them to me.  It is not because of me but only because of God!

So.. looking back and now forward, I´m sorta at the same place, waiting for my husband.  My prayer is that I would do it joyfully, eachday remembering that nothing gets past God that we are living in his perfect plan, even if it seems like we´ve detoured!

So, thanks to all of you who have prayed with me this last year... keep on... HE is not done yet!