NEW BLOG

www.kwaldner.blogspot.com

NEW BLOG

www.kwaldner.blogspot.com

Closing a Chapter

I have imagined writing this post for awhile now.  Wondering what to say, what not to say.  Wondering what people will comment and what they will think and not comment.  I have learnt in the last few years that people will judge, they will say hurtful things and mostly because they don´t understand or because they have not heard the whole story.  I do not expect everyone to understand nor think that my actions are correct but I do expect people to respect what has happen and trust in our God and that fact that He guides.

This will most likely be my last post from this blog.  Looking back, I started it the day that Alex and I got engaged and now I am stopping it because of a divorce.  I look back and see many happy moments.  Moments that I would never trade.  I see many sad moments, and those are moments that I wouldn´t trade either.  God used each and every situation, every tear, every smile, to form the person that I am today.  The person that can stand before you today and thank God for Alex, for bringing him to my life, for allowing me to love him, for allowing us to have 2 beautiful child,  for allowing us to have a good relationship now where we can laugh, cry and care for our child eventhough we are apart.

The last 6 years of my life were not wasted, nor were they a mistake.  I would still marry Alex again knowing everything I know.  He made mistakes yes, made a bad decision yes, but now that is over, it is forgiven and now it is time to move on.  How do I explain... I do not believe in divorce nor did I ask for it and I would not recommend it to anyone, but sometimes, some of us do not have a choice.  So although the Bible teaches against divorce God is using it as an oportiunity for me to learn, to bless me and to help me understand that trusting HIM, no matter what, has great rewards. Not because of who I am, but because of God.  Becauce He is a God of love.

I am dating someone.  He is wonderful... I sat down and cried last week because I didn´t feel that I deserved to have someone like him in my life.  I felt so overly thankful to God for what he has given me that nothing but tears were running down my face... and get this, the best part is that the tears were running down a smiling face.

I know many will say it is too fast, and to that I could answer that it has been 2 years and actually the 6 years of marriage we basically me alone soo... but I would rather answer that I didn´t plan it, God brought him into my life.

I´m sure many will have opinions and to them I say, thank you for being concerned and if it really weighs on your heart, pray!  Your God is my God so He can let me know if something is not right.

People who love me are happy, people who know the whole story are happy.  Alex, my ex-in-laws.... all happy!

So, here we are closing a chapter in my life, not cause I want to forget but because I want to give space to the new wonderful things that are gonna happen and to the new things that God is gonna teach me.  Thank you to those who have prayed with me though these last years.  I know that without pray I wouldn´t have gotten thought it all so gracefully.  God is faithful!

Check back for a link to my new blog when it is up and running...

some news...

it´s probably time that I update this... many things thave happened in last few months, I made it through my first year of University with excellent grades, Logan and I travelled to Colombia and... I am getting divorced. Gulp, yep I said it, and it is true. Not necesarily what I wanted in life but it´s what Alex decided so that is what it will be. I am ok. I sorta knew it was coming so I was partially prepared and I have peace knowing that nothing gets past God and that He has great things in store for Logan and I.

I have many things that i could say right about now but maybe it´s not the time yet. So, for now we will just leave it at that. We are having a blast with friends and family here in Colombia and are looking forward to what the next few months hold for us here :)

3 years old...

On the 11th my little girl would have been 3 years old.  I had planned on posting something but we were all sick so it didn´t get done but I did think of her most of the day.

There are some days that I don´t think about her anymore and there are days when I still burst into tears when thoughts come rushing in.  I don´t miss her any less but I guess life goes on and it is just a normal process.  This year was full of so much ¨Stuff¨ I was almost glad that a little girl didn´t have to go through it.  I believe it would have been harder for a little girl to loose her dad and she would have been a whole year older then what Logan was.

The thing about my little girly that makes me smile is that she is happy.  She never got her heart broken, she never experienced phisical pain, she never shed a tear she just went from being totally depenndent on me to being totally dependent on God, what an amazing gift... she is truly the luckly one.

I love you Leyla, you are my little girl and will always be.  No one will ever take you place!

Ps. the picture above has never been posted and it is the only picture that we have of her.  Her little white hand in Alex´s... I can only imagine her very beautiful, she was totally pale like me with black hair like Alex and it was curly like her Colombian Gramas... would have been an interesting combination!

It sometimes just aches...

As much strength that God has given me doesn´t erase that fact that it sometimes just hurts.  Today I just wish that we were how ever many days, months, years ahead and I could say that it is over and that I was blessed.  Well, it´s not and today has been a little hard, I´m just tired I think.  I ache for it all to be done.

All I know is that God is still faithful and that he loves me! 

Merry Christmas!

We wish all of you a very wonderful Christmas and a new year filled with great surprises and blessings from God!

Facebook

I´m torn... there are things about facebook that I love.   I love being able to see pictures of those that I love in Colombia, I love being able to keep an eye on my sister in laws and check out thier crushes and then chat with them about it later, I love being able to upload videos for Alex to see, to write a quick message to the many people that I love that are a world away... but I hate that I can let something so great hurt me and end up in tears.  Obviously it is NOT facebook´s fault but my own but because of facebook´s involvement and the obvious fact that I can´t unsubcribe to my life, facebook was the one to take a hike.  Now, I am not saying that I will never be back but for now it´s gone and I am ok with that.
I read a blog post just a few minutes ago and it talked about something that I have been learning and relearning laitly.  People do not have control over us, over our emotions... WE DO.... How come then do I let people make me cry, people make me feel less, people make me feel wrong when I am so right (not always but in this one particular case).  I hate that I let things like that get to me so much that I have to erase facebook... something is wrong with that.  I think that it all comes down to the idea that I am allowing Satan to feed me lies, I am allowing him to tell me that I am not good enough, that maybe those people are right, the ones that don´t know what they are talking about, I am allowing myself to listen to gossip about myself that I know as a fact is not true.  BLAH! 
So for now facebook is gone and although I miss it I feel free... hahaha

so, If you want to get ahold of me e-mail me @ herrera.ak at gmail.com or call me on the phone :) (just like in the old days)

He is 2

Blowing out his candels... we only had to re-light them three times, it was just too much fun!

Logan and Molly

Logan and his Auntie Amanda

The Decorations for his big Thomas Bash

Well... my baby is 2. This year has been a long year that has somehow flown by. A year ago we were celebrating at my In-laws place.  This year we are at my parent´s place and still celebrating.  I had many intentions to invite many people to this party including a few kids but it turned into a close family and friends afair with only 2 children invited.  Only one actually came because one of them fell asleep on the way so him and his daddy went home to sleep.  That is what happens when you plan a party to start when the guests usually have to be in bed.

We had a great time and Logan loved the attention after his initial shock wore off.  Molly got the thank you hugs for ALL of the gifts.  I guess she was less scary then the rest of the guests.  I attempted a Thomas theme this year as Logan LOVES everything Thomas.  It turned out great and it was totally worth it seeing Logan´s eyes light up when he saw the cake.  He walked around all afternoon before the party saying, cake, cake, cake.  Too cute!  Thank you to everyone who came, you have once again blown me out of the water by your generosity and love.  I could not ask for any better people to be in our lives, we love you!

Logan,

You are 2 buddy!  This year has been a rough one on you but you have proven yourself daily to be tough and strong even when you are faced with change after change.  You are not my baby anymore but I think I am ok with that.  You are growing and learning and making a place for yourself in this little world.  Eventhough you are full of energy and temper tantrums you have shown your loving humble side to me laitly by being kind and just simply moving on when a different kid takes away your toy or even hits you.  You have mended mommy´s heart a few times by simple crawling up onto my lap when you have seen me crying and hugging me until you are sure my tears are gone.  I love that you notice when someone is hurting, God will use that in the future.  You have shown me that God does exist everytime you talk to your daddy on skype or on the phone.  You shouldn´t have a clue who he is, but by God´s grace you DO!  You have been a brave boy by starting to go to daycare this fall and you have done wonderful.  Our mornings many times are still filled with tears (on both our parts sometimes) but you have been brave and because you are brave you have grown to love a wonderul lady and made a few new friends... although the only one you care about is a little girl named Darcy ;).  You have been very patient with mommy while she has been trying to go to university and you have been used by God to teach mommy when it is time to take it down a notch to focus on what is most important..YOU!  Logan I love you and eventhough sometimes I just sit down and cry because it seems like you have been given the worst deal in life I know that you are going to be ok.  God is looking out for you and me bud.  He has brought us this far and he is gonna take us all the way.  With you and God by my side I don´t really need anymore. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 

One Semester down...

...oh only many more to go. 

Have you ever felt that you are not necesarily going against God by what you are doing but you are not sure if you are doing what He wants because He has not shown you.  Well that is me... I don´t think it is bad that I am going to school but I havn´t felt that, KIMBERLEY YOU ARE SUPOSSED TO GO TO UNIVERSITY, from God BUT, he hasn´t shown me a different path either SO...

That's where I'm at.  There are just so many things in my life that are unknown, that choosing a path, any path seems unrealistic.  But, I guess until God shows me a different path I will stay on the one that I am on. 

Having said all that... I'm done one semester and I feel like I have too much free time on my hands. I have spent the last few months spending every minute studying that now, when I have nothing to do once Logan is in bed, I feel oh so odd not studying.  But I think I'll get over it :)

This Semester was hard, so hard in fact that I ended up dropping 2 classes.  There were a few reasons to this. The most important being my Son.  Logan was making it SOOO obvious to me that He was lacking my undivided attention and so I knew what I had to do.  And when I got my midterm marks back and saw that they were ok, but not super great it didn't make dropping them too hard.  This means one more entire year to finish the nursing program (if I will ever get in) and that scares me, because of said unknown future.  But,  my sweet 15 year old sister-in-law put it this way.... Fixing everything, paying off your student loans and so on, so you can be with Alex, for God is like sneezing... He can just do it if it's HIS will, so no worries.  Oh I love her, she is way to wise for her age :)

So, I am relaxing, planning a small family birthday bash for Logan tomorrow and enjoying my time with my little man while my time can be all his.